The Flame (Avengers Fanfiction)

70-Its Quiet Uptown

"Hey Benny." Steve breathes and Ben looks at the man on the bed, slowly realizing who it is. Oh God, I'm a horrible mother.

"Mommy, what's wrong with daddy?" Ben asks me, looking up at me. I open my mouth, but I can't really get it out. How do you explain this to a child? I can't, I just can't. I don't know how to. None of the parenting books talk about this.

"Daddy-Daddy doesn't feel good. I'm sick." Steve tells Ben, which only makes sadness appear on his little face. I look away as more tears roll out of my eyes as Steve continues to talk, "I just wanted to let you know how much I love you, Benjamin. I will always love you, okay? You-You have to listen to your mommy, okay? She knows best. She loves you so much. We love you so much."

"I love you too, Daddy. I miss you. Where have you been?" Benjamin responds, which makes tears roll down Steve's wrinkled cheeks. I kiss my son's forehead, eyes closing for a moment. Benjamin doesn't know it, but that'll be the last things he will ever say to his father. It's like my heart is tearing in two. I can't do this, I can't.

"Sam, would you mind taking Benjamin down to the gift shop?" Steve asks, turning to look at the next Captain America. Sam nods and walks over. Benjamin looks up and at his Uncle Sam. Benny is scared, I can feel it.

"Come on buddy, lets go find the most expensive toy, okay?" Sam says and Benjamin nods, taking hold of his Uncle Sam's hand and leading him out of the room. Steve turns his head to look at me, tears rolling out of those ocean blue eyes. More tears come out of my eyes as I look at my husband.

"He doesn't need to be here when I go. I don't want him to witness that." Steve tells me and I nod. He looks so weak, so sick. I hate it. I press my lips against the palm of his hand. His skin is so wrinkled and I hate it.

"I love you, you know that? I never stopped loving you. You could stab me right through the heart and I'd still love you." I tell him in one fell swoop, "You can't leave me. You just can't. We-We can take you to Wakanda and they can help you-I'll help you." Steve just shakes his head.

"It's too late for me, doll. And you'll be fine without me. I'm sure your brother and your father are going to kick ass for leaving you though." Steve tells me with a weak smile as he lifts up my hand to kiss it, "I love you too, doll. Always have and always will."

"Just stay, please. You can't leave me. I'm not ready." I plead softly, trying to remember how his hand feels him my mind, trying to savor it. Steve's attention turns to Bucky.

"Bucky, I know already asked you once, but I need to you take care of my girl and my son, please." Steve asks and Bucky smiles, walking over to sit beside Steve. There's tears in the Winter Soldier's eyes. The assassin is crying.

"Of course, punk. I'm with you 'til the end of the line and I'm with firecracker and the little troublemaker 'til the end of the line too." Bucky responds and I reach out to take hold of Bucky's hand. He grabs onto it, holding my hand tightly. I think we both realize that this is coming to the end.

"Steve, when you get up there you take care of our baby boy, okay? Until I get up there to help you out." I tell him and Steve nods. I kiss his hand, my tears falling onto his skin. I look at him, I look at my husband and say, "I love you so damn much Steve Rogers. So damn much."

"I love you too, Peyton Stark-Rogers. I love both of you." Steve responds weakly, the grip on my hand becoming much looser. I'm not ready to lose him. Not yet. He can't leave, I need him-I need him.

"I love you. I love you. I love you so much." I practically sob looking at him as he takes his final breathes. Steve's ocean blue eyes shut maybe a second before his heart monitor flatlines. I let out a wail and Bucky has to hold me as the doctors and nurses rush in, trying to do something to save the first Avenger, the first Captain America. His best friend holds me as I cry.

I've lost my parents, two sets of them.

I've lost children, three of them.

I lost my best friend, her body left on some damn alien planet.

I've lost my brother, the only family I've ever truly had.

And now, I've lost my heart.

I stumble out of Bucky's arm before my world twists and turns around me. Spots cover my vision and there's a ringing in my ears. I think Bucky calls me name before I fall to the ground.

-

When I come to there's a way too familiar beeping tone in my ear. I open my eyes, wincing at how bright the world is. I turn my head and I see Bucky sitting there. His hands are clasped together and his knee is bouncing. His eyes are red. All the memories of what happened earlier today come flooding back to me. Steve's gone. He's dead.

"You're severely dehydrated, did you know that?" Bucky asks, looking up at me. I chuckle drily, looking to my left and seeing an IV bag. Everything feels unreal, I feel like I'm dreaming.

"Makes sense. Did I scare anyone?" I ask, my voice slightly rough. There was an aching in my head. Bucky sighs, wiping at his face before nodding.

"Well me, for starters. Sam too. Benny is with Pepper and Sam at the house." Bucky informs me and I nod. I'm about to speak when the door opens the doctor walks in. Bucky and I both turn our heads and look at the doctor.

"Ah, you're awake Mrs Stark-Rogers. You gave us quite a scare, but you're okay. We ran some blood tests and some other tests. You were very dehydrated and your blood pressure was high when you came in. This can either come from the fact you're dehydrated or because you're pregnant." She says almost nonchalantly. My eyes widen and I look at the doctor in shock. My heart finds a way to shatter again and I feel so empty on the inside.

"I'm sorry, did you say I'm pregnant?" I ask, blinking rapidly as I try to make sense of what's going on here. The doctor lowers the file she was holding slightly. I can feel Bucky's eyes on me as tears roll down my cheeks. The doctor nods her head, looking away for a moment before looking back at me once more. It would be my luck to find out that I'm pregnant on the day of Steve's death. Oh my God, I can't do this. I can't do this by myself.

"Yes, Mrs Stark-Rogers. You're pregnant. I'll-I'll give you time to process this news before we go over discharging you." She politely tells me before exiting the room, leaving Bucky and I by myself. I look at the wall, not exactly knowing what to do. I'm heartbroken-because this is what Steve wanted and-and he isn't here anymore.

I have no one to turn to.

Tony's gone.

Natasha's gone.

Steve's gone. 

So I just cover my mouth and cry.

"Bucky, I can't do this. I can't." I sob, looking at my husband's best friend. I can't do this. Oh my God I can't do this. I wrap my arms around myself, my hands resting on my stomach. Bucky gets up, tears running down his face. He lets me rest my head on his chest

"I'm sorry, Pey. I'm sorry." He tells me softly, rubbing my back. Bucky wraps his arms around me.

"I need Steve-He'd know what to do-Go get Steve, please Bucky. I need him." I respond, looking up at him. Bucky doesn't know what to say, so he just holds me close as I cry, "I need Steve. Get Steve, please."