I FEEL YOU || Sᴛᴇᴠᴇ Rᴏɢᴇʀꜱ

five

I'm Good

I nodded and exited the room. Why does he need me to wait for him? Am I in trouble? I swear, if he wants to know more about me I'm gonna flip out, I just told those guys more than I have to anyone in my entire life. I don't know about them, but that takes a lot of strenght for me to do that.

"Ana?" Steve exited the room.

"Yes, Cap?"

"Can I walk you to your room?"

"Sure" I smiled. Sure?

He smiled back and began walking. We were walking in silence. But it was a comfortable silence. He opened his mouth a few times like he wanted to say something, but decided against it every time. Finally, as we were climbing the stairs to all of our rooms, he spoke.

"Is it hard for you?"

I thought for a moment, but still didn't quite understand what he was getting at, "Is what hard?"

"Continuing your life after being asleep for so long. New people, different times. Is it difficult?"

"It's not really, I'm fine." Sure I am. I tried to change the subject "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course." he answered.

"Did you listen to everybody's life stories like you did to mine?"

"No, we know about each other what we say in the group and that's it. Stark just thinks you need someone closer to you and he probably thought this will make it easier for you to open up to me. Which brings us to my question again. So, will you answer it truthfully?" well, my subject-changing sure didn't work.

He must've noticed my jaw clench.

"You can share anything you want with me, you know? I know how it feels." he stopped and put his hands on my shoulders "I know we didn't speak a lot in the past months, but you know we can relate a lot to each other. And now I know that life hasn't been the best for you since the beginning. I noticed you pressed down everything you felt while you were talking about your family and your past life. It's okay to feel. And to show your feelings. You don't have to be scared of it."

He was right. He was so so right. Almost too right. He pressed every button right. And I hated to admit it. I was scared, terrified of showing my feelings. I didn't even want to show that I was scared of being scared. The feelings themselves scared me. It was such an unknown thing to me. Like riding a bike for the first time. You were scared that you'll fall. Fear is the only emotion I felt for years. Fear, hatred, anger, anxiety, terror. After all the bloodshed I saw and I was the reason for, I'm terrified of such a simple thing - emotion.

"I know you are scared, okay?" Steve interrupted my thoughts "It's okay to be. Bucky had a hard time with his emotions and mind too." he said with a reassuring smile.

"Thank you" I managed to get out as I felt my eyes fill up with tears. Another thing I'm not used to, people caring for me. And crying. "But I said I'm fine."

I can't let my guard down just because he looks good and is so kind and generous and perfect and a literal opposite of me. I'm suprised someone like him can look someone like me in the eyes. I can't even imagine what he thinks of me. I'm broken and messed up. Hurt. But I hurt other people even more. Every time someone gets close to me I'm scared that I'll hurt them. I'm scared that I'll hurt the people I care about. That's why I try not to care about people. Can't live through more heartbreaks. If that's even possible.

"It's okay" he said as he pulled me in a hug, he had to feel me flinch as he did so "It's okay to feel whatever you're feeling."

I stood still, stiff as a plank of wood, for a few secodns.