The Last Empress

23. The Path to the Past

March comes, and the snow thaws; the rivers run again, and the sun shines brighter.

Woo Bin pays me a visit, to my pleasant surprise. He bows low, and smiles at me. He seems glad to see me. I smile back at him. It is nice of him to be glad to see me. We sip tea quietly in the Morning Room, and exchange pleasantries. I listen to his quiet voice drone on, content, and a little drowsy. Dear Woo Bin. I am always so at ease in his company. I don't find him dull or uninteresting, perhaps because I am similar to him. We are both quiet, unassuming people, more observers than participants in the vibrant, exciting game of life. I lean back in my high-backed chair, and wonder idly why he has never married. He would make a good husband: solid and dependable, and, while many would call him dull and boring, I know that that uninspiring facade belies the quiet strength that lies beneath.

"Woo Bin," I say on an impulse, breaking the comfortable silence, "why have you never married?"

He looks shocked, and his face turns slightly pink.

"Your Majesty." He clears his throat awkwardly, and says stiffly, "I am content with my single status. I have no need of - companionship."

"But surely you must be lonely, at times." I put my head to one side, and say teasingly. "Perhaps I should play matchmaker..."

"No, please, Your Majesty." A look of agony crosses his eyes. "I - I have no desire for a companion. There is someone in my heart -" He blurts the rest of his words in a rush, and stops, his face turning red.

"Oh?" I laugh. "Who is she? Do I know her? Do you want me to put in a good word for you?" I clap my hands excitedly.

"She - is already taken..." His words are so low that they are almost inaudible.

"Oh, what a shame..." I look at him in sympathy. "This woman...does she know of your feelings for her?"

"No." He looks down at his hands.

"What is she like, this woman? And why is she taken? Is she in love with someone else?"

"She is beautiful, modest and kind, and above me," he says quietly, and raises his eyes to mine. "She is married to a good man, whom she loves with all of her heart. I can only worship her from afar, and protect and guard her all of my life."

He is looking at me, and for the first time, the mask of calm and friendship slips, and I see his heart in his eyes.

"It is enough for me, that I stand beside her, and guard her all of my life." There is a faint glimmer of tears in his eyes.

There is a long silence.

"Woo Bin," I say, my voice breaking, "Woo Bin, I'm so, so sorry, I never knew - I never guessed - "

"Your Majesty." He rises, and bows. "Your Majesty is not to be blamed, not in any way at all. I beg Your Majesty not to take this to heart." He smiles, a little sadly. "But I would like Your Majesty to know that it has been my privilege and my honour to know such a great and wonderful woman, and I consider it not a foolishness, but a blessing, to give my heart to this most rare and precious of jewels..."

He bows once more, and straightens, the mask back in place.

"Your Majesty may rest assured that this matter will never be spoken of again. I bid Your Majesty good day."

I look at his departing back through a blur of tears.

What would it have been like if I had met Woo Bin first? Ours would have been a quiet and comfortable relationship. We would have plodded on with our lives, quietly and peacefully, there would have been no highs, or lows, either; we would have grown old together, good friends, content with each other, neither one expecting, nor demanding, more of the other. There would have been no storms, or tempests in our lives; we would have sailed on serenely, placidly, over calm waters and peaceful seas.