The Last Empress

16. We Are Happy, Aren't We?

The memory of that dead, frozen face crumbling, breaking, of the white mask quivering, disintegrating, haunted me in the days that followed; there was something disturbing and unsettling, witnessing that moment of vulnerability in a woman who had shown such a strong dislike, a malicious resentment of me from the beginning. I remembered So Jin's words, that the nanny resented me for marrying Hyuk and replacing her beloved friend as the Empress, but I knew now that it was more, much more than resentment, that she harboured for me. She was in love with Hyuk, and it was bitter jealously that made her hate me. Hyuk was oblivious to her feelings for him, of that I was certain, and treated her with the same courtesy and kindness that he extended towards the rest of the staff and the servants at the palace. I wondered whether she was the only woman in the palace who was affected by him, or whether there were countless others in the same predicament, for it could not be denied that Hyuk was a charming and goodlooking man, and women found him attractive and charismatic. For the first time, it occurred to me that he might not have been completely abstinent after the loss of his wife three years ago. Had he turned to other women for solace and comfort in his loneliness? I would not blame him for it, even though it gave me a queer pang to think that he might have shown affection towards some other woman before me.

I began to take notice of the reactions of other women, a blush of delight here, a glow of happiness there, when Hyuk inclined his head charmingly to smile, to give a nod of approval, to say a word of praise. They were visibly affected by his gestures, his little tokens of kindness and appreciation, and it became abundantly clear to me, as my observances continued, that many of the women staffers and servants harboured feelings for him. No woman was unmoved, and I understood how they felt, and sympathised with them, and yet the nanny's extreme agitation at the sight of Hyuk haunted me still, and made me uneasy, for it was no ordinary infatuation for an attractive, charming man that I had witnessed, but seemed to have its cause rooted in something else more serious altogether.

So Jin came for lunch, and we had tea later in the Garden Room which overlooked the Imperial Gardens, and had a fine view of the flowers in bloom. The air was sweet and heady with the scent of the roses, white butterflies fluttered in the air, and a soft wind blew, rustling the leaves. A little sparrow skipped across the lawn, stopping every now and then to peck at the earth with its tiny beak. A gull poised itself high in the air, and then spread its wings wide and swooped beyond the lawns to the woods and the Valley of Dreams.

"So how are you settling in?" So Jin asked, lying back lazily against a reclining garden chair, propped up with cushions.

"There are so many visitors," I said. "They keep coming; it is like an endless procession of different faces and voices. I suppose that I am the main attraction."

"You can't blame them for wanting to look at you and find out what you are like," she shrugged. "There's nothing much going on in their lives, and the palace provides them with entertainment."

She sat up and looked at me.

"You're looking a bit pinched," she said. "You look different from the last time I saw you, more drained, paler."

She flicked a look at my tummy.

"You're not in the family way, are you, by any chance?"

"No," I said. "I'm not."

"Oh," she said, and leaned back. "Perhaps you should go out more, get out of the palace from time to time, see the world outside."

"I know," I said. "Perhaps one of these days when Hyuk is less preoccupied with work. He has a really tight schedule at the moment."