Distance

Guilt

Silent sobs wracked her chest and she slid to the floor, tears slowly spilling out and dripping down to the floor.

Even as the pain of her father's loss started to numb and fade, it was replaced by the regret of leaving and the bitter truth that since she'd diverged their joined paths there was a high chance they'd never converge again.

Crouched down on the floor, she caught a glimpse of her red hair and laughed bitterly through her tears. 'Even this red hair led back to him. She really was pathetic. She was the one that left, who let her feelings overwhelm her and refused to seek comfort from him yet she was so deeply affected by their past of sweet meaningless conversations. Her hair colour really was the biggest proof of that.

Though she'd coloured it to escape from the grief and to lessen the glaring resemblance, the colour chosen led back to a conversation she'd had with Erik a long time ago. One of the many soft, sweet conversations they'd had in the dimly lit café, alone at the very back.

She was no longer sobbing and the tear tracks on her face had begun to dry. She leant against the wall as she sat on the floor and closed her eyes as she allowed herself to remember.

Leiah had always wanted to try new things. Even back then she'd always wanted to at least streak her hair and she'd asked him to suggest a colour.

"Red" he'd told her after a moment of thought.

"Why?" she'd asked, tilting her head in curiosity.

"That is the only colour that can come close to reflecting the passion in your heart and the fire in your eyes. You're warm, spontaneous and give everyone around you light. Just like a fire."

He smiled at her and took her hand in his.

Leiah remembers that everything had felt warm, her cheeks, his hands and her heart.

She'd looked at him for moment then softly asked, "Fires can be dangerous, right?"

"Well yes" he'd replied with a laugh. You'll burn anybody who tries to hurt you but those who love you know you're not dangerous. You are beautiful, persistent and resilient. A flame that flickers but never goes out. The type that you'd regret messing with but be honoured to receive warmth from."

Remembering that memory made her chest hurt. She'd felt so happy hearing those words and seeing his eyes sparkle with sincerity.

She'd always had a sweet face that made her look younger than she was and even a bit childish and in this place where the average height seemed to be 5'6, people usually did not take 5'4 seriously. This greatly frustrated her and hearing someone say without any doubt that she was magnificent and fierce like a fire truly made her happy.

Sweet memories like this would always surface no matter how many times she tried to drown them. They would always creep in somehow and affect her, such as in the salon when she decided to dye her hair. She wasn't sure what she wanted to choose but the moment she stepped in and was asked about the colour, she'd muttered 'red' and those hazel eyes had flashed through her mind.

Leiah sighed, she seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

She slowly got up from the floor, wiped her face and went to wash it, hoping she could make herself look presentable.

Running her fingers through her hair, she made a decision. She was here on a job, she could even say that she was chosen. It was important to prove her capabilities to the people around her and so she shouldn't, wouldn't let her emotions take lead.

She realised though that it was time, to face it, all that she ran from. Last night when she saw Erik made her realise that eventually she would have to accept even if she didn't want to, it was better that way for everyone. She couldn't help but wonder what his expression would be if he realised it was her.