The Devil On Your Shoulder (an All Time Low/Jalex fanfic)

Chapter 5- Just as things were looking up you said I wasn't good enough

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Today was the first day of my new school. My new school, without Alex. It was a pretty shit school as they got all the expelled students. Pictures I'd seen online of the school attempted to hide the graffitied walls, but they didn't do an amazing job. I could see words such as 'fuck' and 'hell' written across the sides. Hell was a good word to describe my life. One of the main reasons I didn't believe in religion was because I knew my life couldn't get much worse than it was now. Even burning in religious 'hell' would be better than what I'm going through.

I knew I didn't have a lot to complain about. Sure, I was going through my parents splitting, going through a break-up, a pretty fucking terrible break-up, but I knew there were people worse off than me. My mom made sure I knew this, telling me every day when I came down to eat breakfast, normally after finishing my morning set of tears. She knew me well, she knew exactly when I'd just been crying. She made me my cereal, cheerios and a ton of milk, set it down on the table and told me to 'look on the brightside, there are so many people worse off than you.'

As if I didn't already fucking know that. I was sick of hearing the same thing over and over again. My dad would tell me to 'lighten up'. Lighten up? Really? What does he think I'm trying to do? Stay sad? Of course I'm trying to fucking 'lighten up'. It's not easy, it's far from easy. I try my hardest to look happy around my parents and the rest of my family. My parents think they know what's going on, but no-one really does. No-one really cares.

'It will get better' is another common phrase I've been hearing. Quite a hilarious statement, really. When will it get better? How will it get better? For the last 2 years of my life the only good thing that's ever happened to me was Alex. For the last 5, 6, maybe my whole life, the only good thing has been Alex. Sure, Alex made up for all the rough times I'd had. But what's left now? Nothing. I had nothing. I had no-one to talk to, no-one to cry to. No-fucking-one.

I slipped on my joggers, something I'd been wearing a lot since I didn't have Alex nagging me to wear skinnies anymore, pulled on my shirt and tie and threw on my shoes. I didn't even bother looking in the mirror, I knew what I looked like. Same old scruffy black hair, hair I hadn't brushed properly in a long time, black bags forming under my eyes, pale skin, couple of spots. I didn't have many spots anymore though, since I'd stopped eating regularly they seemed to disappear. My pale skin got paler and paler every day and the black bags got darker. I worked most, if not every night at my dad's bar and I didn't stop until about 3am. I didn't like sleep anymore. I didn't want sleep, sleep brung back too many memories. Too many memories I didn't want to have to face.

My mom left for work earlier and earlier each morning. I was usually a mess in the morning, and she prefered not to have to clean me up. That, and because she was more than pissed about me getting expelled. 

When my mom wasn't around I usually didn't eat breakfast, I woke up just in time to leave, which was about 9:00. My mom had told me many times to get to school before 8:30 on your first day, but it wasn't happening for me this morning. How strict could they be anyway, a school full of expelled pupils?

I pushed my earphones into my ear sockets as I closed the door, locking it behind me. I clicked the side button of my ipod, pushing it up to full volume and walked towards the bus stop, waiting for my bus. Unfortunately, there was a bunch of people waiting too, which meant I hadn't missed my bus, I was right on time. I slouched on the bus stop post, music so loud people began to look at me. I waved at them sarcastically, and they all turned away quickly.

Sometimes, I would have random outbursts of confidence. They normally resulted in me doing something stupid which I would regret and feel embarrassed about for at least the next 2 weeks. Today, that wasn't the case. I was way past caring, way way past it.

The bus finally came, and after what felt like forever on a bus with a bunch of people I already hated, we got to school.

My first class was English, and after registration I grudgingly walked in, throwing my bag underneath my desk, immediately putting my head in my hands.

At that exact moment, a familiar brunette, fluffy haired kid walked in, wearing tight skinnies and shirt which was a hell of a lot neater than my own.

I groaned, "You've gotta be fucking kidding me,"

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By the way, I know I said yesterday it was gonna pick up in speed but I promise you it will in the next chapter ((I know this because I have already written the chapter))

I was gonna upload the next chapter tomorrow, because it's Friday and everyone loves Friday's, but if I get enough reads and/or comments telling me you want another chapter tonight, I'll upload it! I spent about 2 hours on the next chapter, so I hope you guys like this one and that one when it comes out! 

Thanks for reading and voting, I love you aaalll lots and lots.