the heavenly body

trauma.

TW
you left me to die
left my bones to ache and my thoughts to burn
i never thought i would leave alive
you were just like lolita last night

i thought that you would come and kill me
my skin was sizzling with shame
my heart broken in a way i had never known
november the fifth never happened, do you understand?

when you would leave the room tears streamed down my face
i tried my hardest to be quiet
how the fuck was a thirteen year old supposed to deal with a situation like that?
does that feel okay baby?

when i got home and had to hug you goodbye
my stomach churned with agony
how could someone put someone though such pain and still look at them with a smile?
i love you. i hope you know that.

everyone at the hospital acted so calm
everything was so still
so cold
i guess when something bad happens to someone so young they have to be calm
drink up girly. you'll feel better soon.

and the doctors gave me pills
and gutted me with swabs
and the nurse was holding my hand
and i was crying
and all i could think was
how did i let this happen?

the therapists all told me to forgive you
that forgiveness would save me
that it would fix everything

and the psychiatrists told me that the medicine would help me
that my worries would be gone
that i could finally forget about you

but none of it ever worked
they say that trauma is like a bruise
that it gets worse before it gets better
if that isn't a goddamn lie.