So in short, I'm really reserved. I don't share much about myself. I'm just... there.
Which leads me to the next part.
So my friends aren't exactly the fandom type? And if they are, it's about normal, cool things. For example, BTS. And they're the type with lots of cool friends too. So basically, they're all cool with lots of cool friends, and I'm not. I'm not really interested in normal things. And so, I'm pretty sure I'm like, the only one who likes all the stuff I like with a passion, so I have little people to talk to about these things. I basically only talk about my fandoms with like, one or two people. And even so, they frEAKING tease me about the stuff and I hate that because I start to blush a whole lot and I hate it when I blush.
And so seeing as how there's only like, two people that I talk to about fandoms, you already know that I'm not gonna share a lot in groups.
Which leads to this problem I'm currently having.
So at first, my friend circle was very small. It only consisted of like, 4-5 people (including me). And 2 of those people were the people I talk to about stuff. So since the group was very small, everyone was included in conversations, we all basically knew everything we were talking about (because I basically live under a rock and I won't know about current events lol) and no one was left out.
But then events happened and one of my bigheaded friends started to like this one guy, and our smol circle got yeeted.
Now it's full of cool people that like normal people stuff and now it has like, over 10 people.
And that really kills me and I miss the old, small group because now I stay really quiet in the group conversations. Now I'm always clinging to someone and I feel really excluded. Now I'll be in the middle of the group and I'll feel lonely, which was not something that happened in the old group.
Like during lunch at school, they'll sit in a group and I'll always be on the outside with this one friend (she's not one of the ones I talk to about fandoms).
Hehe here lemme draw it for you
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And like, I mostly talk to her during lunch. But of course, she's cool too so when she talks with the other people, I have to find someone else to talk to. Actually, recently when that happens, I just go on my phone and watch Netflix or something.
And we walk home from school too, so when I do, I always walk beside her. But of course, she has a boyfriend, so when she walks with him (one of the cool dudes that joined once my friend liked some guy) and when that happens, I have to find someone else to walk with because, I'm not aboutta interrupt them or third-wheel lol.
So while the rest of the homies talk about stuff, I'll just watch and stay quiet.
One time, we were in front of the house of one of the friends that I talked to about fandoms, and there was the whole group. And they were having this conversation about parties and drugs or whatever, and I did not say a word. Everyone said something and contributed to the conversation, but I didn't say anything. I mean, what do I have to say? I'm not about that life and besides, my parents wouldn't let me go to those parties because they're at the houses of the other guys that joined the group. (They were talking about the party for that guy on memorial day I was talking about lol)
