Unwritten [ A Niall Horan AU ]

drabble: the one with the 1 year anniversary

trigger warning: this drabble contains mentions of death of a parent

When Neha wakes up that morning, her heart already feels heavy. Heavier than it has in a while. It takes her off guard, because as prepared as she tried to be, the sting of her mother's death still burns the same.

After she and Niall had dispersed of her mother's ashes, she'd felt an odd sense of recovery begin to wash over her. By no means did she forget, of course, but over time the pain had become duller and duller.

But today, today feels like the wound has reopened and is bleeding profusely.

She screw her eyes shut tighter and snuggles deeper into the covers. She can smell the lingering scent of Niall — a warm combination of his aftershave and fresh laundry that always comforts her. Niall's always gone before she is in the morning, not without a kiss to the top of her head and a mumble of "love ya, baby" but nonetheless, gone.

Neha didn't want to make today a big deal, because if she did, she'd truly sink back into the depths of her despair and she'd clawed her way to get out of it in this past year. As the tears escape her eyes, melting into her pillow case, a small part of her wishes she had made a big deal — asked Niall to stay home with her for the day. She doesn't let him baby her anymore.

But she can't shake the crushing feeling that will most likely anchor her to the bed for the rest of the day. She misses her mother, terribly so. She senses her everywhere - in the shelves of the shop, in the way Niall smile's at her, in the air of stuff they'd saved from her childhood home in a storage locker.

She misses her hugs, her love, her ability to make everyone feel like they mattered.

Neha's body shakes with a sob, falling still when she hears a sound.

"Love?"

Neha lifts her soaked face from the pillow, propping herself up on one elbow. Niall is standing in the doorway of their bathroom, with nothing but the boxers he fell asleep in last night.

Before she can ask him what he's doing home, Niall's crossed the room and crawled under the covers, pulling Neha into his chest and pressing his lips firmly to the top of her head.

Neha sighs in relief as she buries her face into his neck, trying to clutch to his shirt like she usually would. Instead, she finds purchase in his warm skin.Niall tightens his arms around her, "Shhh, baby, I've got ya. M'right here."

For the first time, in a long time, Neha lets herself fall apart. Niall brushes his fingers through her soft hair, kissing her head fiercely every so often. He intertwines their legs, wrapping his entire body around hers in a way that encases her — makes her feel safe just like he did in her office the first time she broke down.

His skin is soaked by the time her sobs have dissolved into sniffles, but he doesn't mind. He pushes away some of her hair that's sticking to her cheek when she looks up at him with those eyes of hers.

"Hi," he whispers, brushing his thumb back and forth across her cheek.

She leans into the touch like it's all that's keeping her together.

"What are you doing here?" She whispers, "Don't you have work?"

Niall tilts his head at her in a disapproving way, "I'll never leave ya alone on this day. Any day you need me... but especially this day."

Neha snuggles into him again and he continues to talk, his chest rumbling with his accent.

"I just went to the bathroom, thought I'd sneak back before you were awake..." his voice goes hard, "I didn't want you to wake up by yourself."

"I love you," Neha mumbles into the skin between his collar bones. She presses a kiss there.

Niall runs his big hands up and down her arms, settling his cheek against the top of her head. "I love you too, baby."

After that, it's quiet, silence filling up their bedroom in the way it's meant to. There's no need for words, not when Neha has Niall next to her. They lay in comfort for a long time, the moments filled with soft touches and even softer kisses.

It's only when Neha's stomach rumbles that Niall quietly suggests getting some food. He assures her they'll come right back to bed and even offers to bring it up to her, but Neha latches onto his arm and follows him downstairs.

He doesn't try to cheer her up, because if he's learned anything in the course of their relationship, it's that he doesn't want her bottling things up. While she sits on the counter and he flips pancakes, he hums along to some songs, making a shadow of a smile appear on her lips.

He only sings for her, after all. And Rosie.

When their bellies are full and they're back under the covers, Niall speaks softly, scared of startling her. "She'd be so proud of you," he whispers.

Neha peeks up at him, lifting her head from his chest. She watches him for a second, her eyes searching his features. "Do you think so?"

Niall scoffs, lifting both his hands to her cheeks and resting his forehead against hers. "I know, love. Wherever she is... she's lookin at everything you've done, how far you've come... and she's so proud of you."

Neha kisses his cheek in response.

"Her favorite book was Persuasion," she tells him.

Niall arches a brow in interest, "Oh? So that's where ya got your Austen bug, huh?"

Neha laughs and nods at him, in love with the intrigued look on his face. In the time they'd been dating, she'd turned Niall into a total bookworm.

As Niall pulls the covers over her, settling her against his chest and in the comfort of his embrace, Neha feels just a little bit better. The conversation twists and turns as Neha tells Niall about her mother, molding the room into a kaleidoscope of memories. While this day is hard, and it always will be, it's easier to manage with Niall next to her.

In the past year she's been through hell, through grief, devastation, panic and love. While she lost someone, she gained someone too. Her mother lives on through the shop, through Neha, though the millions of pages she came across.

Perhaps Anne Elliot put it best in her mother's favorite novel, "When pain is over, the remembrance of it ofter becomes a pleasure."