Life Without Laughter

Twenty-One - Marcus - On My Own

Even though the backdoor to the Akva looked five feet thick, Marcus could still yet make out the sniffles from inside. His heart skipped a beat in regret, each step he took down the short metal stairs felt like an anvil full of guilt fell on him.

Marcus didn't know what to do with himself now. Call Gregors again? Try to relax with a game of darts? He'd ran out of photos to aim at. The only thing he desired was an early rest. Maybe taking his focus to tomorrow's comedy class session could help clear his conscious a little.

Not a lot. But a little.

Time Skip

All he could feel as he stirred awake was the slight tingle he felt as the sun glared through his window, which he forgot to close the curtains on last night. Marcus leapt his legs off the bed, leaving his bedroom without making the effort to tidy up. 

Breakfast tasted sour in his mouth, the once-crisp crunching of cereal that felt so divine had become a soggy, sad bland food, a chore to chomp on.

As he left the house, he couldn't help but realise how tarnished the house felt without Delilah's cleanliness swamping it. He checked the kitchen, and the crisps were still not open.

He had to fix this. And he only had one chance. The only slight opportunity he had left to get her back into his arms, warmly embracing each other.

No reluctance this time, no hesitant backstopping to the safety of his home. He had to do this. Go the extra mile. For her. For himself.

Unlike last time, Marcus became the earliest to arrive, even before Gregors could get fully set up. The loud abrupt knocking sent him off his trail, stumbling over the TV cable cords. "Oh! I didn't think you'd show up today after last night..." Gregors drifted, fidgeting. Marcus waved his hand nonchalantly to ease the paling man.

Gregors hands stopped shaking so much, and began to fumble with the remote control until the TV eventually snapped to life with a cackle of static. After he and Marcus endured several failed attempts to get it to work, Robert entered the room and helped save the pair from further technological humiliation.

"Thanks." Gregors said shyly to the student, who was the master in the situation, and the master responded with a genuine smile and sat down. Gregors decided that now would be the golden chance to sit and have a talk with the boy.

"So, how much money are you hoping the Blackpool bar activists will hand over to you for your student loans?" He quipped, grinning. Robert chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. "So long as they don't feel obligated, then as much as they can carry, honestly." Robert admitted.

"Tuition that much, huh?" Gregors replied, eyes drifting away into a distant nostalgia.

Robert nodded solemnly. "Yeah, more harsh by the day." He said, shifting in his seat, squirming from the stiffness of the stool. Gregors patted Robert on the back and stood up, noticing the stare he was getting from Marcus. Normally, it would be a deadpan expression, but his eyes must've been deceiving him, because he saw a slight, minuscule frown form on Marcus' face.

"You look empty, Marcus, I won't lie. You doing okay?" He asked, more sincerely this time. "I told her I was done. I thought I believed it. But now, I don't know."

"Don't know what?" Gregors crouched down beside him. "If I can even spend a minute without her in my head. I-I feel...scared."

Gregors took a second to think. The man with the toughest shell around him was starting to crack. He didn't know if he should've encouraged it, or prevented it. A man unable to show his feelings is at his most explosive when he starts to reveal himself. Gregors didn't need to reply before Marcus blurted out again.

"Scared that if I try to get back with her, she won't learn. But if I leave her, I'm leaving a giant hole in my heart unattended. I-I don't know what to do, Gregors." Marcus admitted, averting his eyes from Gregors.

Gregors sighed, wrapping his arm around Marcus. "Use that."

"What?"

"That fear. That feeling of unease. There's an empty slot in the Akva tonight. If you wanted to, you could—"

Marcus bolted upright. "No. I'm not going out there in this state." He spat, disgusted with the mere suggestion of standing up and trying to make others laugh, while he did the polar opposite.

"Plenty of well-known comedians commonly perform when they feel at their worst. In fact, sometimes, the more disdained a comedian feels, the better they tell their jokes. Doesn't some support perk up every person?"

"But since when have I been every person?"

"You aren't. That's what makes you unique. Don't think of your coldness as a bad thing. Never forget who you are, the rest of the world certainly will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you."

"Did you just quote Game Of Thrones?" Marcus asked abruptly, unintentionally tuning in to their intimate conversation.

"Shut up. I'm trying to help him." Gregors seethed back.

Marcus spoke up again, voice softening. "You're telling me to...embrace it?"

"Yes. Embrace."