Bad Enough For You (Alex Gaskarth Fan Fiction)

Concrete Angel

When I get back to the bus, I see my bags sitting outside the door, waiting for me to grab them and go. By now, I’m numb. Ignoring my bags, I walk onto the bus. The first person I see is Jack who sits with his arm around Alex as Alex rests his head on his shoulder. They give each other a look and Alex walks away without looking at me and Jack half glares at me.

               “What were you thinking when you went behind his back, Riley?” Jack asks and looks down at me. I feel myself shrink down to nothing.

               “Jack, not now, please. I was shocked.” I beg and rest a hand on his shoulder.

               “Riley, I think it’s best for Alex that you stay on the other bus for now.” Jack says coldly and turns his back to me and walks out. As he leaves, Rian come’s in the bus with Zack trailing behind him, their smiles fading when they see me.

               “Why are you here?” Rian asks. “Not that I hate you, Riley. Just, you shouldn’t be here.” He adds quickly. And for once, Zack says the harshest thing I’ve ever heard him say.

               “You’d be happier there anyway.” Zack doesn’t meet my eyes and he juts his thumb toward the door. “Goodbye,” With my head down, I leave the bus, taking in the pain I deserve. Mike is there to help carry my bags to their bus and he carries them back to the luxurious room for me.

               He nods awkwardly and leaves me to unpack. As I’m doing so, a soft knock echoes on the wooden door and in comes Tony, a sad smile on his face. “Hey, Ri.” He says and walks over to me, hands shoved in his pockets the same way Alex had his.

               “Hi,” I croak as I place my jeans in the drawer.

               “I’m sorry.” He says and frowns. “And I’m sorry for saying this, but you were in the wrong, you know.” Tony adds and purses his lips together in a tight line. I don’t make eye contact with him because as soon as I see the pity he has for me, I’ll break and right now, I’d rather be numb.

               I nod. “I know,” I whisper in a raspy voice. I feel him pull me into a hug and before I know it, my eyes are squeezed shut and tears are falling as I hold onto Tony for dear life. The sobs start to take over my body and it trembles in his arms. My fingers dig into his shirt as I shove my face against his shoulder, trying to push away the tears. We stay like that for a long time, at least it’s long enough for my sobs to turn into dry echoes as my tears stop flowing. I’ve wasted them all up.

               “If you need anything, let me know.” Tony plants a friendly kiss on my head like an older brother would and pats my back before leaving the room, shutting me in my lonely prison again. I quit putting my things away and make my way to the bag with my medicines inside of it. I dig around until I find a bottle of sleeping pills. I dump a handful into my mouth and throw them down my throat with a gulp of water.

               I don’t want to die, that’s not what I’m doing. I just want to sleep, because maybe when I sleep, I’ll dream of Alex and I. maybe I don’t want that though, I don’t know. I just want silence. The thoughts in my mind are racing so fast, pounding at my skull as they bounce around, throwing darts at my heart.

               Memories replay, all of them. The good and the bad. The look in his eyes, the pain. Everything is there and it won’t let me be. When I shut my eyes, his tear stained face is all I can see. When I squeeze them harder, forcing him away, I hear his hoarse voice as he leaves me in that room with a final kiss to end us. The taste of his sweet lips mixed with the salty taste of my tears dance on my taste buds as I pull the covers over top of myself.