So what now?

The truth; laid out

Rose POV

When I stepped back into my dorm room, my mother was sitting at my computer desk. Her hands in her lap but not empty..... She held a framed picture and she was looking at it intently. I stepped closer to see which she was looking at. My heart stopped and my breath caught. It was not one of the few pictures I owned. In fact I had never seen it before. None the less it brought back a rush of memories.

It was taken of Dimitri and me during one of our training sessions by someone on the yearbook staff. On the surface it looked like any other training session. I was doing the millionth rep of sit-ups and Dimitri was holding down my knees. But if you looked closer, there was intensity in the look between us. You could see that there was a strong connection. The picture had been taken just weeks after the night of the dance. I could almost see the smoldering passion that lingered between us after Victor's lust charm had temporarily loosened our inhibitions and we had come within a hair's breath away from making love.

"Oh God!"

My stomach lurched with the added emotion. I pivoted and ran back to the bathroom, my mom just a step behind. I have never had my mother there to care for me when I was sick. Not that Dhampirs get sick often anyway. She held my hair and rubbed my back, and when I was done she walked me back to my room.

"I'll be right back." She said. I sat on my bed and leaned against the wall. She came back with a ginger ale and some crackers. "Here nibble on these. It will settle your stomach."

"Thank you mom."

She sat and waited for me to finish the crackers and ale. Then she picked the picture back up. She took a deep breath. She held her breath for a moment and closed her eyes. Her face looked pained. "Rose, how long; how long were you sleeping with him?" Her voice was almost a whisper when she began but it rose as she continued. "He was a Guardian, Lissa's guardian no less! Do you know how irresponsible that was?"

I could feel my anger rise. How dare she talk to me as if I was some irresponsible tramp? Dimitri and I had fought against our attraction for months. We did not really give in till just before the school was attacked. What did she know? I knew we were about to have a full on argument. If I was not careful with what I said I might push my mother away and ruin whatever progress we have made over the last few months. I really did not want to ruin things but I was so pissed off. This time I was the one to close my eyes and take a deep breath. I felt a flush of hot, cold, and hot run though my body. (Lissa has never been able to heal me remotely before..... again that was weird!)

When I opened my eyes I saw beyond my mother's anger. She was worried for me, more than just worried, she hurt for me. All the anger I felt for her intrusiveness dissipated.

"Mom, get comfortable, this might take a while. If I am going to tell you everything, I'll have to start with the day Lissa and me were brought back here to school."

I proceeded to tell my mom about Dimitri. How there was an attraction but also a mutual understanding of life. How alike he and I really were. I told her how we knew each other sometimes better than we knew ourselves. I even told her about the lust charm. I had to go into detail about the bond Lissa and I share and how Lissa's use of spirit can negatively affect me. Then I told her about the night in the cabin. When I reminisced about the plans that Dimitri made for when Lissa went to live at Court... mom actually cried with me. When I spoke of my time in Baia, she asked.

"Do you wish you were raised in a colony with a mom like his?"

I was caught off guard by her question. I never thought I would answer her the way I did.

"Mom, sometimes I have wished that, but you are my mother and I love you more then you could know. You are so great and I am proud to be Janine Hathaway's daughter."

She moved over to sit beside me on the bed. She looked in my eyes. I wondered what she saw in them.

"Please Rose, go on, I feel like you have more to tell me and it is worse than the rest."

I nodded and finished with getting captured by Dimitri. I confessed to letting him feed from me. I felt her tense up as I described the battle I fought to escape and my effort to kill him. I told her about Victor's brother Robert and how he claimed to have changed a Strigoi back into a Dhampir. Then I showed her the note and the Stake I found at my door after dinner.

Mom and I talked late into the night. I cried more than I ever have in my whole life. In the end I was glad I had opened up and been honest with her. She helped me make some very difficult decisions.

1. I would finish school and become Lissa's Guardian.

2. Victor Dashkov was much too dangerous to set free.

3. I would not go after Dimitri again.

4. If Dimitri did come after me I would have to kill him.

It surprised me but I was the one who made these decisions. My biggest desire in life was protecting Lissa. I wanted and needed to get over the past and move on with my life. If I was going to move on I had to try to forget Dimitri. My mom was a voice of reason but she did not try to influence me and she only made one demand. If I do ever have to go after Dimitri, I would contact her first so that she could join me. She did not want to risk having her only child going through that alone again.

We talked and cried together for most of the night. She shared stories of her life with me like I had with her. I learned about my father Abe and how they met. Through her memories I saw him in a different way than I had when I met him in Russia. I knew that they loved each other then, and still cared deeply for each other. Most of all I knew I was a product of love and not some warped sense of duty. It was nearly 3 pm when she left my room. But before she left she picked up the picture that she had brought with her earlier. She studied it once more.

"I asked Alberta if I could look though his things, I wanted to know why you would follow him. She said that this picture was on his night stand. Next to it was a box with a very expensive necklace in it."

Mom reached into her pocket and handed me a box. I did not open it. I knew it was the rose necklace Victor Dashkov had given me. It was the charm that had held the spell on Dimitri and me. I set it on my night stand.

"I know you loved each other. Sometimes love cannot be stopped. I know you both tried to hold back. From the sounds of it he did not act until he could do things right by you. I only wish things had gone the way both had wanted."

She put the picture frame down on my nightstand.

"Get some rest if you can, but don't be late for your appointment with Alberta."