Conigliettó

Im Fucked

I miss me, the old me, the happy me,the bright me the smiling me,the laughing me ,the gone me. -Unknown

There was a time in my life i realized that i wasn't the person that i once was. It took me sometime to realize it though, i was blinded by something.

I was such a happy child, i was energetic and shy sometimes out going, innocent , friendly, the list could go on.

I don't know what happened, my walls began to tumble and I wasn't really sure what happened after that.

Things happen and I don't know what happened to me that I lost myself along the way. I know i'm depressed and I know that i'm not the same person and I know that ill never go back to being the person I once was.

I hate that I cant go back to being that girl!

I hate that I Hate Everything!! I hate that I cant change the way I look and the things I do and the actions I make. the mistakes that I drag around with me like a chain tied to my ankle.

I'm sick of crying and I'm tired of all the pain that I feel inside. I hate that I feel like I should be dead because, I want to live life. i'm tired of the thoughts that are running through my head, the ones I can't control and the ones that make me fell the way I do. i'm just exhausted of trying to be stronger than I really am.

I'm ashamed of myself, I feel worthless. sometimes I think I've completely lost my mind and I don't know what to do anymore. i'm tired of keeping everything within me because I know that is the only place I can hide. I'm tired of being judged and being lonely. like there is never anyone there for me, like I'm alone in the world.

I want to go out and enjoy life,
Have more friends,
Feel comfortable in my own body.
Why do I feel like I'm not myself anymore?
Why do I feel like someone else?

Deep breath
happy thoughts
be comfortable in your own skin
these jeans fit you perfectly
if you just hold your books in front of you, they wont notice your big thighs. Put on your favorite jacket so you can cover up your flabby arms. But switch out your jackets because you don't want them to think you don't have clothes.
Keep your head down and just breath.
Inhale...Exhale
Smile
"Angel!" I smiled and turned around
"Hey, what's up?" I pulled my books closer to my legs.

" I haven't seen you in like forever, you okay?"she laughed slightly which made me ease my body. I have been here at school but I haven't really seen her. Its been forever since we hung out , I haven't felt up to it.

"Um y-yeah , I just haven't been out that much. I seen you yesterday in the hall , but I didn't say anything." I walked down the stairs, pushing myself towards the railing.

"Okay, your not gonna believe what happened!" Kaitlyn gushed

She jumped up a little and made her way in front of me. Here we go again, it's always the same thing over and over again. Every time we don't talk she catches me up on her love life... Which to be honest I could really do without. My life is already depressing as it is, and adding love into the mix is really just gonna fuck me up. I'm a junior in high school and I've never been in a relationship, haven't had my first kiss. Compared to Kaitlyn I'm literally a big fat innocent baby nymp of some sort. A guy doesn't even take a second glance at me, well like he would even look at Me In the first place. But still, I seriously hate it. She talks about the same guy, who she says shes 'just friends' with.

"it was so weird , than he got mad when I wasn't doing it right. So I told him if it wasn't so small I could probably do better. " I slightly laughed and shrugged my shoulders.

"Well I don't want to be late for class so, I'll see you at lunch." I gave a slight side smile then walked down the second set of stairs.
----------