(un)lucky

four.

"You and me both." He can't stop the wobble in his voice even if he tries. Pathetic. He looks down blankly at his hands. His mood ring is black. Pathetic. "He doesn't deserve her."

He isn't a hundred percent. But he thinks he hears Billie softly mutter under her breath, "And you think you do?"

Her words hit him like a ton of bricks, crushing all the air in his lungs. His face crumples and he can't decide if he's hurt or if he's angry. All he knows is that it stings. The truth fucking stings.

Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.

The bus hurtles to a stop and everyone rushes to get out. But Mamés takes his time, he knows Mel will be waiting for him in front and he needs to realign his expression and his heart. Because Mel doesn't do angst; she's attracted to 'tough guys' with 'hearts of steel' that push her against the wall and kiss her without her permission.

He shakes his head. When did sexual assault become attractive?

Be cool. Mamés chants in his head. Just be cool. But it turns out there was no need because Mel wasn't waiting for him. Silly of him to presume.

He goes to look for her but she isn't at her locker or in their first class. By the time the last bell rings, he still hasn't found her and as a last-ditch effort, he decides to check the girl's bathroom.

There's a sinking feeling in his chest as he cranks the door open and it's not just because he is sneaking into the girls' bathroom. There is a heaviness in the air he senses even before he hears the muffled sobs. Mel. His heart trips a little in his chest.

Mamés follows the sound down to the last stall. Predictably there are no feet visible under but Mamés is already certain. That's Mel, behind this door, weeping. He lets his forehead rest on the door for a minute as he tries to figure out what to do. It is not the first time he has encountered a 'crying Melanie' but it's so few and in between.

He is the crier in their relationship. He always has been. He can remember the countless times his mother cradled him to her chest as a child as she sobbed into his neck. Her chest heaving so strongly he felt it deep in his stomach. And her sorrow was contagious because it never took long before his eyes were wet too. Suddenly they were crying together. A symphony of tears and heartbreak.

Now, Mamés cries embarrassingly at a drop of a hat. He cries— seeing people cry, when he's angry, sad commercials, movies and books. He cried the whole night when Mel rejected him for the first time. He cried every night for a week when he and Lulu moved out of Jun's house.

Mamés wrestles with unease in his stomach before he finally knocks on the door. A light tap with his knuckle and then softly, he says. "Mel, is that you?" Even though he knows it's her.

The room falls silent. Without the background sound of crying, his ear picks up the sound of a dripping toilet. Gross.

"Mamés?" She asks. Even though she knows it's him. Her voice is quiet. Like it can't go any higher than this octave, probably hoarse from all her crying.

He swallows thickly. "Want to come out?" He can feel the tell-tale signs of the dam inside of him cracking. He bites his lips and blinks quickly in an attempt to keep the waterworks at bay. The one thing Mel hated other than crying herself is seeing him cry.

Pathetic.

In his head, he envisions what the most likely scenario would be: she would send him packing, harshly. Embarrassed but mostly angry. Angry that her body was reacting to something as trivial as pain by tearing up. Because that's how Mel reacted to such body fluids.