My sister's fiance Book 1 [complete]

10.

I know for sure whatever I choose to wear will draw attention. Lustful attention, attention of want, in fact some will strip me naked with their eyes and eye rape me. Yeah I have that effect on guys whenever i go to gatherings. I know I will attract a pair of green eyes. Eyes that I have fallen in love with, eyes that I would become immensely lost in, eyes that only look at me in ways only it can. Eyes, lips... I heave a sigh taking out my best of liquor. This is going to be a tough two week and a tougher engagement party. Maybe I can find someone there to help me move on and forget about weeks of feelings that have been developing which needs to be demolished.

Drinking isn't going to solve my problems. It will just make it worse i know if I get wasted enough I'll call him. Getting up I walked to the sink in the kitchen and pour out the liquor out of my glass and watch it goes down. What a waste of a good liquor. I shrugged and went over to the fridge. Now what to stuff my face with I looked in my half empty fridge. I need to do some grocery shopping. I was too busy with... Ice cream it is then. I took out the tub and got a spoon.

Just like in high school, just like in college and here i am doing it again in my twenties brooding over a guy I loss yet again. Twice. Man my love life sucks. I wonder if I turn to my sex if it would be the same. How would that change anything in history? You would probably be with the girl for a good time then come face to face with an angry girlfriend or you found out that she is bisexual and has a boyfriend. No body is meant for me I am just meant to be lonely and by myself all my life. Grow old without a husband or kids and only have cats for my company. I turn grumpy because there was no one to make the rest of my life happy when I hit thirty.

I can see it already the cat lady, the Grinch and Mr Scrounge all in one. I'll be this awful person any show of affection and love and you turn my enemy and I'll do anything to break it up.

There is a good chance that I'll live my life always on vacation. Traveling would be my escape from the emptiness I would feel where someone I love should be.

For now I'll just sit here stuff my face with ice cream and watch season two of UGLY BETTY.

_*_*_*_

Life. Love. Maybe one day I will understand but for now I am going throw away one and live with the other the other I can do without. I am young, beautiful, smart, brave and strong I can do this. When I was sure my confidence was back into place my two weeks of brooding about how unfair my life is and how sad it will be in the future. I slipped my dress on, did my make up, my hair and slipped on my high heels that goes with my dress, my earrings sparking when the light hit it, my lips stain with my lipstick and I am out that door. Single men here I come.

I have been here for two hours now and I am enjoying myself and for that two hours I felt his eyes on me burning anywhere they roam. My entrance was not disappointing and I didn't miss the hungry eyes and drooling from some of the men in the room. This time mother knew better not to day anything but her expression says she is biting her tongue. Good. Everyone was back to whatever they were doing before I arrived. So far I have attracted all the singles and some in a relationship. I think a few with rings on their fingers was taking in everything that is visible on me.

Now I am openly flirting with a guy called Phillip on my left and I still feel his eyes on me. Geez buddy you have your soon to be wife beside you why don't you look at her. I excused myself from the table to go to the bathroom. I don't want to use it I just want to escape his watchful eyes and breath for a minute.

The opening and clicking of a lock alerted me that I wasn't alone and I felt uneasy. Then I felt his eyes making me spin around instantly. "What are you doing in here? This is the..." I didn't get to finish my sentence because I was cut off when he grabbed me and roughly pushed me in a one of the toilet locking us both in.

"What's wrong with you?" I yelled at him pushing him in the chest but he doesn't budge. He didn't answer my question so I just glared at his handsome face. I will just have to wait for him to talk but he was just staring at me. "If you're not..." His lips quiet me and I tried to push him away but he was a wall and my fibble attempt to get away from him was no use as my mind melted and I give in. He is poison and I can't stop taking it. He is drugs and I am addicted. I can't stay away from him. I want to but it is impossible and I think he knows. Like every superhero I have a weakness and that weakness seems to be him.

The emptiness I felt two weeks ago is no longer there and I feel whole again. I feel like myself like I found something I lost a long time ago. This feeling, all these feelings I don't want to stop feeling and i don't want to let him go. We kissing right now in the ladies room proves that I am weak and the talking and encouraging myself didn't do anything to how I react to him instantly the moment his lips was on mine. I should've fought harder but when he is near me, his lips on mine, his hands on my body it's hard to fight the things he makes me feel. The tingles, the sparks, the fireworks and how his hands leave fire in it's wake.

I know that we should stop. That I should stop him but I could not. We are still human and I know we need oxygen to survive but I don't need it all I need him. I can survive with just him. Everything happened so fast and was done the same time it had began.

I was frozen in place our forehead touching as we pant and get oxygen through our nose to get to our starve depraved lungs.

What left me bruised was when he left so sudden with no words to explain his actions. He didn't make eye contact with me. I wanted to see what was going on in his head what he was feeling through his eyes but wasn't given the opportunity. I heard the door to the ladies room opened and close indicating that he was gone.

I couldn't moved from the position he left me in. I was utterly confused by all this and was a little hurt. I don't know how but I was in front of the mirror looking at my swollen lips and my messed up hair.

What happened just now terrified me. Now I know I can't stay away, I can't resist him even if I try. I broke down for the first time in my life after he came back in my life. I grabbed a paper towel and dabbed at my eyes careful not to mess up my make up. I fixed my hair and wiped off thr raining lipstick. I fixed my dress that was ridden up and took a second look at my reflection in the mirror. I look duller than when I left out this morning, less confident because of him. I left the bathroom and back to the with my mother, father, my sister, her fiance and Phillip. Taking up my purse I whispered in my mother's ears and kissed her goodbye and doing the same for father. Not once did I glance at him and I know he is looking at me. I ignored the feeling of his eyes on me and left. I heard my mother apologising that i have to leave but that was the only thing I heard as I walked further and further to the exit.

_*_*_*_

A week that's how long it as been busy it doesn't seem long enough. I was still in bed deciding that there is no point getting up. I glanced at the clock to see that it is only the afternoon. My bedroom as become so messy clothes and half eaten food all over the place. I have called in sick a week off but I needed more than that. This sickness have so many incurable symptoms that I know I will never recover from.

I was enjoying my lonely, the silence, with just my thoughts when she burst through my door. I payed her no mind turning on my side staring at the wall. She ripped the sheets off of me screaming but her words fall on deaf ears. "What the hell Cris? What's going on? I have been leaving voicemail after voicemail calling you and you never picked up and your mother has been calling me. She is worried about you and so is everyone." She said crossing her arms and puffing. I just blink like someone wasn't in my room shouting at me.

I don't feel like talking or having company. If it was someone else they would grunt and murmur their response but I am too lost in my head to even care what she is saying to do either. I heard her angry steps leaving or someone in my bedroom. I was once again in silence and I know I should get up and look after myself but I didn't care much so I laid there like I did the day before and the day before that and stared off into space like it has the answers for the many questions that i have been asking myself.

The bed was suddenly wet but I didn't move. I didn't find out why but laid in it. I heard cursing but I was still. I was shaking now but I didn't care. Then the other round of water got me jumping out of my bed. "What the hell?" I screamed.