Because I Want You

Chapter Fourteen: Black-Eyed

CONTENT WARNING: OFF THE PAGE SEXUAL ASSAULT

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Nick lay on his back in the cool, green grass of his back garden, staring up at the blue sky where fluffy clouds moved lazily in the spring breeze. It wasn't quite t-shirt weather yet, but Nick had stubbornly braved the temperature and refused to wear long sleeves.

He rolled over onto his side to look at Dave, who lay next to him, eyes closed, all but purring like a cat in the sunlight. He had opted for a blue and black striped long sleeve, not quite as desperate for spring as Nick was. Nick smiled. It wasn't something he'd been doing a lot lately, but he took his happiness where he could find it.

Things had been better for a while, though Nick was sleeping very poorly, plagued by blood red dreams. Openly being friends with Dave, to the extent of being included when he hung out with his friends (so long as Alan wasn't there), had made everything easier. Nick had found himself getting along with Matt especially well, as he liked a lot of the same bands as Nick and played the bass. It had kept him away from destructive thoughts.

Nick had come close to cutting himself twice in the past few weeks. It was something he'd done a few times in the past, by way of a distraction, but never regularly. This time, two things had held him back. One had been the thought of the look on Dave's face when he saw the cuts. Nick might be able to keep them from his sister, but not from Dave. The other had been the thought of his mother, and the manner of her attempted suicide. It had replaced the pain with anger and made him determined not to do anything like what his mother had done.

The school counsellor had set him up with a shrink, to help him deal with his trauma, whom he visited every Wednesday. His psychologist was a young man named Evan. Evan had, as of yet, been unable to get much out of Nick, who felt he got enough help just talking to Dave and Mel, though the latter was getting busy studying for her AS-levels at the moment.

Still, just sitting in that quiet room for half an hour every week talking about the weather was somehow helpful. It gave Nick some space, allowed his mind to rest for a while. He was grateful to Evan, really.

The Easter holidays had brought with them a break from the shrink as well as from school, though. And Nick and Dave were free to spend as much time together as they pleased. Chas had gone to stay with his grandparents in the Black Country, Matt was spending the holidays with friends in Birmingham, and Alan's dad had found a job for him which, Dave had told Nick, he was reluctant to divulge the details of, leading them to believe it had something to do with sanitation. What this all meant was that Dave had no obligation to spend time with anyone but Nick, which suited them both just fine.

Nick reached over and traced a circular pattern on Dave's cheek. Dave raised his hand up to shield his eyes from the sun before opening them and looking at him.

'Hey,' said Nick.

'Hey,' said Dave and smiled.

'It's spring,' said Nick.

'I know.'

They looked at each other, silent for a while. Then Nick leaned down and kissed his boyfriend on the lips. Dave put his hand on the small of Nick's back, and Nick swung one leg over him, laying down on top of him and enjoying the warmth beneath him as they kissed.

Dave's other hand landed on Nick's upper arm, and he broke the kiss.

'You should wear a jacket. You'll catch a cold,' said Dave, stroking Nick's goose-prickle-covered arm with his fingertips.

'I refuse. It's spring.'

'Spring, not summer,' Dave reminded him, an amused smile gracing his features. 'You'll be no good to me if you catch a cold.'