Because I Want You

Chapter Nine: Scared of Girls

Nick stared up at the canopy of yellow leaves stretching out across the roof of the bicycle shed. In truth, most of them had by now found their way down to the ground, where they turned brown and soggy, but there was still a layer of autumn yellow covering the trees. The sky was clear, pale blue and the air was crisp and cool as November came to a close.

For the past couple of weeks, Nick had experienced an entirely new sensation. It had come in brief spells before, but it had never lasted this long, and it had never felt this powerful. He had decided that it must be happiness.

He was sitting on the ground behind the bicycle shed, his back resting against the trunk of a large maple tree that had grown into and around the chain link fence of the schoolyard. This had always been a safe place. He had hid there so many times, just reading or thinking, away from everything. The concrete shed, nestled between the fence and the brick wall of the school building, blocked out the sound of the schoolyard, and the space behind it was comfortably mild throughout the winter, heated by an air vent out of the school.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

A sound made his eyes snap open and he looked around. Squeezing through the space between the fence and the shed, a figure came into view.

'Hey, you,' said Dave, smiling. Nick grinned and stood up, greeting the other with a hug.

'Missed you,' he whispered.

'We just saw each other in class,' Dave said, kissing his cheek. They pulled apart.

'Doesn't count,' said Nick, shaking his head. 'I miss you all the time,' he confessed, blushing. Dave lifted a hand and stroked his cheek, and Nick leaned into the touch. 'I'm insanely jealous of your friends, you know,' Nick continued, covering Dave's hand with his own. 'They can talk to you whenever they want . . .' He took the hand and brought it to his lips, kissing the knuckles gently. 'And I never know if it's safe to text. Besides, if a teacher caught us with our mobiles out there would be hell to pay.'

'True,' Dave acknowledged. 'But I don't do this with my friends,' he added, pulling Nick into an embrace again and kissing him full on the lips.

Nick giggled as they parted. 'I should hope not!' he said, grinning. Then he chewed his lip thoughtfully, looking away for a moment, choosing his words. 'You never . . . experimented? With any of them?' He blushed a bit as he said it.

Dave shook his head, frowning. 'Not really,' he said. Then he seemed to reconsider, and a slow smile spread across his lips. 'There wasthat time when Alan and I played at kissing when we were six,' he admitted. 'At his house, in his bedroom. His dad walked in on us. He was livid! Tossed me out, probably slapped Alan silly . . . We didn't hang out for a while after that. Eventually, I think everyone just forgot about it and things went back to normal.'

Nick's heart was racing. 'Who started it? You or him?'

Dave considered for a moment. 'Him,' he said at last.

'I think Alan's gay,' Nick blurted.

'Hah! Don't ever let him hear you say that!' Dave laughed.

'I mean it, though,' Nick said seriously. 'His homophobia, this, it all fits with him being gay.' The way he follows you around like he's in love with you . . .

'Plenty of kids practise kissing with other kids of the same sex,' Dave protested. 'Doesn't make him gay.'

Nick hesitated, not sure whether he should press on.

'If he wasgay . . .' he began slowly, 'would you rather have him than me?'

Dave surveyed his face with an amused smile, and Nick bit his lip and looked away.