The Secret Admirer |BL|

Chapter 14 - Want

For god sake!

He hated how Marcus stopped him from calling the police. How could he not take it seriously! Yes, they'd get outed and news media would be all over them –especially Julian, but he'd risk it. He'd have to figure something out; he thought closing his eyes falling back in his chair. Shit!

His thoughts traveled to the instant that he had caught Marcus trembling and partially gasping for air. It was a side of Marcus he had never seen. The man always seemed rather calm, collected and happy. But to suddenly see him loose control, scared and venerable was shocking. Julian felt overprotective over Marcus to the point where it hurt.

Julian hadn't even given it a second thought before he rushed to Marcus' side. It was instinct. The fear and panic that shot through him was terrifying. He couldn't even comprehend what was happening for a moment, but when it occurred to him he didn't waste time to second guess his actions. He wrapped his arms around Marcus and held him close. His body felt perfect in his arms, like he was meant to be there. Marcus was having a panic attack and holding him, trying to calm him down was all he could do. Holding him so close felt so right, he never wanted to let go. His unyielding grasp tightened and he never wanted to let go. He wanted to hold Marcus there in his arms for as long as he could, even if it was for just a second longer. But Julian was convinced that it was never meant to be –they were too different and from completely different worlds. He shouldn't have jumped Marcus when they were at his apartment. The first time Marcus found out about Julian's feelings he shouldn't have just kissed him despite how much he wanted to. Now it was rather obvious that Marcus was avoiding him and it stung. Getting to hold the man of his dreams in his arms was an opportunity was a gift and he had all the intention of taking the most advantage out from. So Julian held him as tight as he could for as long as he could. He felt Marcus tremble subside and his arms slither around Julian's waist. A smile tugged on his lips for a split second before worry made his heart hammer against his chest.

If only he could be there by his side forever.

Julian sighed aloud, got out from his chair and left his room. The halls were quiet and rather lonely. The reminiscence of the night before brought a glint of hope to Julian's heart. Maybe there was a chance after all. It was a helplessly hopeful thought. Maybe he just had to fight for it? He scoffed at the thought. Hope was a strange thing, one could hope for anything but that didn't mean it would happen, that he would get it. Hope was hopelessly useless unless acted upon.

Walking down the hall a half opened door caught his eye. It was the guest bedroom... Pausing in his tracks for a moment curiosity bloomed. With his hand on the wooden door he wondered whether he should knock or just enter. The last thing he wanted to do was scare Marcus yet again. Going against his own will he slowly pushed it open. The inside was swallowed in darkness and he couldn't make out much for a moment. The only source of light was the little rays that came through the cracks in the curtains.

The room was so quiet that he could have heard a pin drop from a mile away. Once his eyes adjusted to the light he made his way to the side of the bed. Looking down at the man that slept in it he smiled. Warmth filled him. His smile dropped when he began to feel like a creeper. Regardless of how delectable and alluring he looked Julian couldn't disregard the sense. What if Marcus woke up and saw him?

It was the second time he had the chance to see Marcus sleeping. He could now understand why some men chose to watch the one they loved sleep, there was something calming and amusing about it.

He was happy that he asked, or rather insisted that Marcus stay at his place. He was sure that Marcus would refuse and he was right, Marcus did refuse at first but there was no way he was going to allow Marcus to drive himself to a hotel in the Hamptons or worse, drive himself home.