Love i never knew... (bwwm)

chapter 5

It was Valentine's day, now a year since Philip and I have been dating and still no sex, I hope he's not cheating even though we see each other all the time and he text or calls when he's not in arms reach. I haven't seen Michelle a lot other than work since Philip and I have been dating, I hooked her up with David and she is happy at the moment, so I thought it be a good idea to double date for Valentine's day. Of course Philip was thrilled but who cares, I had a special surprise for him. I sat in Philip's bedroom waiting as he showered, my head was going in many directions. He got out the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist, boy does he look delicious, he was stunned to see me in my bra and underwear.

"Are you getting dressed?"

I didn't answer just looked at him and then out the window, he walked over to me concerned.  Before he could say another word I stood and grabbed his face, I kissed him, at first surprise than he kissed me back. Then I did it, I dropped to my knees and removed the towel looking at his most prized. I looked at it shocked at how big it was and if I was going to be able to fit, I went ahead going up and down, I know I was going good because Philip was moaning and grabbing my hair, was I ready for it I guess I will find out. He pulled me up and began kissing  me.

"You surprise me everyday, you know that?"

Then began kissing me again, slowly he rest my body unto the bed and began kissing it, every part admiring it left to right until he reached my most prized, he payed extra close attention to it, making sure I am taken care of. I felt all type of estacy from his mouth alone. Then he entered and I felt a whole lot of pain, it has been a while since I had sex. But it hurt so bad, at first I was crying for pain then the pleasure kicked in and it was way better than his tongue. I loved him I knew it and I know he is the one, but mental I realised what I had done, I had broke my vow with God, to wait until marriage, what have I done. I heard Philip crash signalling he was done. I am one mentally messed up person, during one of the most beautiful moments,  I want to cry.

"Baby are you ok?"

"Yeah, just thinking."

Philip continued to kiss me but I didn't return his kiss.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah" I lied.

Our double date with David and Michelle was anything but good, it was good, I just wasn't present in my body, my mind was wondering what to do next. I was snapped out when Michelle grabbed my hand for the rest room. We walked inside and a concern look came over her face.

"Are you alright, you have been gone all night?"

"No, its Philip, we had the best sex ever in my life, but I made a vow with God that I would wait before marriage,  am worried now things will be jinx, we were doing so good until, my one moment of weakness. "

"Would you relax, you over think things too much." She said " you love him don't you? "

I began to smile. That's how she knew.

Later that night while preparing for bed, I lay watching as Philip took his clothes.

"I am sorry about tonight,  I was just in thought."

"You never tell me what goes on in your head."

" I know and I am so sorry about that, its that I have a history of guys using me and making me feel like shit, that's why a lot of stuff I do now affects our relationship and I hate that its that way, I am tired of getting hurt."

" we have been together a year, If I waited a year to have sex with you, dont you think if I wanted to go I would have already?" He asked.

"Good point."

"Is that the reason you won't have sex with me?" He asked.

"Apart but the other part is, I made a vow with God to not have sex until I am married, I don't know what happened tonight."

"I understand that and I am happy that you did, but you should have told me."

"Am sorry its just that, I thought you wouldn't like that it." I said.

"It would be better to tell me than keep making excuses everytime I touch you."

He crawled on the bed and began kissing me.

" I have to look a new place closer to here, I hate traveling back and forth."

"Why don't you live here?" He asked

I looked at him almost wide eyed. "No."

"Why not?"

" because we aren't married and don't you need your space am sure you want space?" I said.

"No, I do but I want you here all the time,  no breaks."

Our relationship fell back into a normal routine,  I would cook his breakfast and dinner sometimes I take it to the office and we have dinner there. That was one thing that wasn't going to change between us  our health because I would be damned  if an office job caused us to get fat, sometimes I would fall asleep in his office as he did work, most times I know he watched me. He says he likes watching me sleep.

One day while Philip was out, his doorbell rang and I answered it. The man at the door was so beautiful,  well dressed and nice blue eyes almost like Philips, I would guess they are related.

"I think I have the wrong place." He said

"Who you looking for?"

"My brother Philip," he said, " you're at the right place" I responded.

He looked at me stunned.

"You must be Ally?" He asked.

"Come in."

He walked inside giving me the one over, I was wearing a curvy sun dress and suddenly I felt insecure.

"He never told me you were short? " I picked up his vibe.

"I hope its not a problem? "

"No."

He held out his hand and I took it but instead of shaking he kissed my hand.

"You're really beautiful"

He is as beautiful as Philip just a inch or so taller.

"Thanks."

We sat on the couch drinking wine and talking about his family. He told me about their parents always wanting to control their lives as to whom they marry, what they did in their lives. I told him I was aware of his girlfriend dying. He told me his parents didn't like her because she was a school teacher, but he loved her and how much he rarely spoke to his parents. He even told me about Philip being threatned by his father about dating a black girl in college and if he married her  he would ban him from the family. That really hit home for me what were they going to think of me maybe, our relationship won't stand the test of time, maybe it won't last after all.