Into the Ring

Chapter Twenty-Two~Becoming

Since I've no clue where Steve is, I reach out with my mind for his. It's not hard to find despite the vastness of the palace. Determined yet soft even in sleep, my feet carry me towards his door before my eyes even open. If my mind hadn't already confirmed it was Steve, the soft snores would have. I stifle a small laugh as I slip in and shut the door softly behind me. "Steve." I hesitate a moment before hopping onto the edge of the bed beside him. "Hey, Captain Dad. Need to talk." As always, when I need something he comes through. Blue eyes crack open, then become wide awake. "Nothing is wrong. God, you all are worked up. One little coma and..." I trail off teasingly as he sighs.

"What's going on?" He asks and slides up, roughly rubbing big fingers at his sleep-crusted eyes. I swallow, suddenly unsure.

"Well, you know, our hug was cut off earlier and I just knew you'd want extra cuddle time." I joke immediately. He exhales a sharp laugh and slides over, then lifts the top blanket for me to slide under. Grinning, I slip under and lean against the back bedpost facing him. This is familiar. I'd come to talk to him sometimes after a nightmare or a bad memory would pop up. Other than Peter, he's always been my go-to to talk. Plus, he's always warm while I tend to run cold. He leans over and turns the lamp on before relaxing back into place, eyes gently roving over my face illuminated by the soft light. It's quiet for a couple of moments as I just feel how he's feeling. He's calm and peaceful for the first time in days, although, he is slightly concerned and curious about why I'm here now. Regret shoots through me and guilt. Why am I always the one who has to wreck his peace?

"Jo, you're projecting." He tells me softly. I sigh and relax further into the footboard.

"Sometimes I hate being able to feel everything," I tell him and glance up at his blue eyes. His gold hair is tinted orange at the edges from the lamp beside him, but his eyes seem brighter from the contrast. His brows furrow. "Have you ever had a...an identity crisis?" I question to start to warm him up to the conversation.

"An identity crisis?" Steve repeats and I nod. His eyes scan my face and I can tell he knows this isn't the main thing. Still, he goes at my pace. "Think I've had a few actually. One when I was with the USO. It wasn't what I wanted or who I was, but I thought at the time it was the only thing I could do. Again, when I got out of the ice. When Shield was dismantled, when Bucky showed up, although that was a positive."

"So, you basically never stop." I tease, but there's a tinge of seriousness there. He shoots me a little side-eye. "All that sounds like stuff that happened outside of you. Ever found information about yourself that had you questioning things?" My eyes scan his face as he sighs.

"No." I deflate and run a hand through my hair.

"And it's obvious that's not the answer you were looking for."

"Wow, what gave it away?" I respond sarcastically and he raises a brow at me. My mouth shuts.

"Jo, it's not because my world was never shaken. You've shaken me up pretty well over the years." His foot nudges me playfully to try and get a smile onto my face. He succeeds. "Even if I learned something crazy about myself, it wouldn't change the person I turned out to be." Steve has my attention now as I lean forward a bit to listen. "While learning something about myself, whether it's something in the present or the past, doesn't change what I've been through. Or how it affected me. It just gives me an edge over the future."

"It doesn't even matter?" I surmise and Steve's big shoulders shrug.

"We aren't just born who we are. We learn and choose who we are throughout our lives. So, just because you learn something new, it doesn't change you. It's a product of how you've handled your life, like metal in fire. You melt, or you harden." Blue eyes are soft and considerate on mine as he pokes my calf again. "Care to tell me what's going on now, Jo?" He questions gently. I lick my lips and my fingers start to fiddle with my rings. His words on a loop in my head, I nod reluctantly.