The Evil Rant And Review Book

Sleepsong

Next, you tell about world building slipping into paragraphs of direct explanation. Even the last chapter I read is filled with telling about werewolves.

Your only advantage is that you have a bit of voice that makes it bearable, but it gets really old, especially with chapters as long as yours. I found myself wanting to skim as soon as I reached chapter 2 because my patience was consumed on chapter 1 and the prologue.

Good news? You can delete half the telling stuff because you don't need it. Bad news? You still have to get rid of most of the rest and integrate it in actual action that has the plot moving. Worse news? I'm not telling you where all your telling is (ha!)

Voice: I actually have an issue here. As I pointed out earlier, I can hear YOU through Aerin's voice. Hell, even my phone is trying to autocorrect his name and make is Aaron (just a fun fact).

Stop basing your characters so much off yourself. You lose your objectivity. You don't see how this character has different experiences and will have to make changes and adapt to their unique situation. You don't see how he's supposed to be over 70.

So no, I don't buy Aerin's voice. It's too childish and does not fit who he is supposed to be given his experiences. It doesn't even make it believable that he survived so long. I'm honestly surprised he's not dead by now.

Also, the language bothers me. I find the swearing and some sexual references to be used for shock value. I have nothing against swearing in fiction, but it should be used for something. This just appears to be thrown out there to be gritty.

Just saying that because Aerin seems to be a tender innocent flower without it.

Know what else bugs me? Directly addressing the reader. Why break the fourth wall? Do you even keep doing it after the first few chapters? Didn't see it in 101, but I could be wrong. Anyway, anytime you address the reader, that's a sure sign you're telling.

So yea. No.

Positives: Yes, I'm doing this section because I felt like you might need it after the above.

You, my friend, have written the perfect wattpad book. It's in first person, it's long and rambling and it includes 9/10 cliches teens love to read.

You have first person, LGBT, vampires, werewolves, abusive relationships, bad boys, a whiny teen protagonist and tame smut all rolled into a nice package. Not sure, but I'm pretty convinced you also have diversity.

And obviously, your story appealed to a lot of people. You mentioned that you didn't receive one single negative review. I just made up for that, tee hee.

So yes, you managed to take all the things a lot of wattpad users like to read and made it work for you. *high five* what? No one? *lowers hand*

My opinion: I'm only doing this section because you asked me.

The story doesn't work for me, and unlike BILY which I might get around to finishing at some point, I would not read this.

Why? Ignoring the above, here are a few things I do not condone and that are in your book:

🐐 romanticized abusive relationships: abusers need therapy, not people who can fix them with love. This is not romantic, it's fucked up;

🐐 wish fulfillment: I'm looking at you, chapter 101; you don't get that. You don't get to have everything.

🐐 weak MC: if you've been a vampire for 70 years and still can't get your food without crying like a pansy, you deserve to die.

🐐 swearing and sexual references for the hell of it: you're not Game of Thrones. Not even Game of Thrones is Game of Thrones. If you're doing things for shock value, I'm out of here.

🐐 pretentious writing: I'm an intelligent person. Seriously, I know a lot of crap out of my field of expertise, even if at a medium level. I know when you're bullshitting me and not doing your homework. Your political understanding and the science behind your world building don't add up. I'm guessing they  are not important because they're not directly related to your plot, but you're using a blah blah technique of using a lot of words and saying nothing that is driving me up the walls.

🐐mashing of a lot of popular stuff into one: it just makes me feel like you made a patchwork quilt of stories and I'm confused. Not sure I want to be unconfused though. Leave me confused.

🐐 all the telling: I have no time for this shit.

I understand the appeal of the story for a lot of people. It's why things like twilight, fifty shades and the mortal instruments are popular. I have nothing against popular.

For a wattpad book? Great. You're having fun with your gazillion chapter epic about... um? Vampires and werewolves? Forbidden love?

But I'm judging you at published book standard and even if that has dropped a lot in recent years *coughAftercough*, it's a very long way from that.

Your story is obviously not written for me and I will accept that. My main writing tip to you at this moment is to deal with all the telling. Every word must mean something and drive the story forward. Eliminate the filler and the pacing will sky rocket.

Also try to tone down the drama because no intelligent adult is going to stand that. If your target audience are teenage girls... oh, I guess you're good to go.

I'm not giving you a grade. I'm just gracefully bowing my way out.

Btw, if you're going to tell me that no one else has a problem with what I pointed out up there 🌈I don't give a fuck🌈 You asked for my opinion, you have it.

Should you lose faith? Hell no! You have a lot of drive in you. Use it for the greater good. Bask in the stories you're writing because it's fabulous practice. Don't expect them to be perfect. Have fun. Which it appears you already are. Try to branch out some. There, that's better advice.

Fare be well all you lovelies who have been by my side for so long. If I ever get the time again for stuff like this, I will let you know.

Wimbug, the original #evil, is outta here.

*flies into the land of adulthood*