The Evil Rant And Review Book

Bonus #2

It's that time of the year, boys and girls, for a new bonus chapter. (Excuse the Christmas greeting. I'm listening to Jingle Bells for some reason.)

I have fresh material to trash today. This should be fun!

Title: Too Young

Author: Wimbug

Genre: Adventure/Young Adult

No. of chapter read: 30 (60 parts)

First Impression: Wow, an adventure story with teens. Haven't read... oh, wait. What, no magic? No paranormal? No dystopia? No... nothing supernatural? Just normal people? Weird...

Cover: Wow, some emo guy with a camera. I thought this was supposed to be about adventure and action. Instead it just looks sad...And are you on a runway, dude? Will you get hit by a plane? Will I want you to get hit by a plane?

(No, but honestly, thanks a ton to woodlandic for making the cover.)

Cover rating: Can't complain

Blurb: Short, to the point, gives info about what's going to happen, kind of, without actually giving anything away except the existence of a jungle, a secret agency and a villain. So it's THAT kind of book.

Aw, we also get a little excerpt which shows the MCs determination to stare evil in the face. Aww, you sweetie. You're so cute, trying to stand up to grown people with guns.

Blurb rating: Yeah, I'd definitely give this a chance.

Let's get it on!

Second impression: Okay, I have no idea what's going on and why it jumps from armed men to schoolwork, but apparently stuff is happening, so I'll read on.

Actual review (drum roll please):

Language: Oh, it's just dreadful. I swear, that sleazy writer did such a bad job at trying to imitate MY style, I think I'm gonna sue them. Plus, what's with all the typos? And why didn't you translate the damn Spanish in there? Which could use some improvement, by the way.

Also, what the hell is wrong with Jerry? Every time Sam opens his mouth and tries to curse, he tells him to watch his language. Including when he just escaped death and is panting his lungs out. Really, he uses the little breath he has left to tell Sam off for saying hell. Freaking is too much for him. God forbid Sam open his mouth and say hell. One question: what the fuck, Jerry?

I think the story would be much better with a couple of fucks thrown in for good measure. Especially since the characters apparently swear a lot, but off screen. I've seen off screen sex before, but off screen swearing? I mean the worst thing in there is a God damn it, I think. That's worse than what the hell, right?

Language rating: Would be much better with more dirty words

Plot: I'll actually have to split this up

The adventure: Well, this is an interesting mash up. It starts simple enough - some people randomly shoot at Sam and Jerry. Three years later, we kinda forget that happened. So the story starts again with a different plot: Sam wants to be Indiana Jones, but his dad wants him to take over his PI agency.

Sam gets recruited for archaeology study camp and gets to be Indiana Jones anyway. His brothers Jerry and Kyle also get recruited, though they have nothing to do with history. Sam is a bit suspicious, but still goes.

Apparently, study camp is a bullshit lie and Sam comes face to face with his father's mortal enemy - the guy who wanted to kill him three years ago - oh, no, the drama. Oh, and they have to find some huge ruby in an unexplored temple. Except there's more than one temple and damn Snitch Gravel (the villain) wants the ruby, too.