Pit

Chapter 18

TRIS POV

I watch the filthy water disappear down the drain as Tobias pats both of us dry with a towel. Maybe the last weeks I have spent as an Erudite prisoner will be dealt with similarly, like the torture being washed away, but it is foolish to hope for such a thing. If war has taught me anything, it is that the most horrific memories never fade.

Despite the brief wash in the bathtub, my feet are still sore from the barefoot journey back to Abnegation. I do not even need to mention it because Tobias picks me up and carries me into the bedroom before I can have a say.

"Thank you," I say softly once I am situated under the covers of his childhood bed.

He flashes a weary grimace at me that could be a smile in any other circumstance. My eyelids are too heavy to remain open, so I let them rest as he flicks the bathroom light off and shuffles around the room for a moment.

The small bed dips and creaks when he collapses next to me, struggling under the weight of us both. Searching for the other light source penetrating through my closed eyes, I open them and find that it is not quite dark outside yet.

It has been too long since I have had a window. Or human contact.

Tobias sighs, past the point of exhausted. I roll onto my side and press closer to him, trying to ignore the fact that last time we shared a bed, we made love. Before I turned myself in. The regrets make my head buzz.

"Sleep," he murmurs when I stir uncomfortably.

But I am unable to. So many things went unsaid before and during our time in captivity, and with finally telling him I love him serving as a start, I decide that he needs to know more. Or at least one fact before my eyes can no longer support themselves.

"I would not have made it through that if you weren't there," I say with stifled emotion.

Passing him in the hallway. A momentary, thrilling touch. Being with him in the simulations, even if they were not genuine. Those instances alone were enough to provide me with the last of the ammunition I had left inside. If he were absent, then so would be my resolution to live.

"Yes, you would have," he insists.

He has always believed in my bravery, though I don't think he understands that he is all I have left. Without him, I would not be willing or able to channel it.

This is how I feel about him, and yet I have treated him awfully. Between abandoning him, outright lying, defying him, and not returning his sentiments, it is a wonder he is still here.

The guilt dissipates quickly when I remember how near I came to losing my life today on that metal slab. If I cannot mend the past, then I can at least be grateful for what I have in the present. I can be grateful for him.

"I would not have wanted to survive," I whisper.

Sliding his arm around me to bring me closer, he presses a soft kiss to my cheek, sending flutters throughout my body. I settle against his chest and clutch a fistful of his shirt. After weeks of no affection, I find myself desperate to drag this moment out.

"You can hold your own better than anyone I know. You could certainly handle it without me."

I shake my head, ready to deny him again. But the weariness seeps in, and my slack body betrays me.

"Sleep," he repeats.

This time, I feel his fingers running through my hair. And with the certainty that he will be there when I wake up, I am gone.

xXxXx

Just in case you couldn't figure it out, this scene is supposed to be in Insurgent after they escape from Erudite, and directly after the scene where Tris tells Tobias she loves him for the first time.

Please stick around even if you hate me right now! The next couple chapters will be actual chapters, though about half the normal length, but very important!