💔The Words That Weren't said 🖤

Game of Bitter Love

The World is strange isn't it? Dont you agree with me..

The reason why I say this is because it seems like life is playing with me as if i were a mere piece from a game of chess, playing once again the same game of found- love and loss.

Where suddenly someone comes into my life and makes me feel so happy, that maybe there's more to life than just pure-plain- misery.

They make you feel so damnn special as if you were the only person that they felt like that with- honestly like the "only girl/boy" in the world.

You'd find yourself smiling for no reason and actually look forward to the next day ahead and many more to come, you actually face them all with a smile on your face..

But then suddenly it gets taken away, as if it were all a dream and then handed another one and another, whilst trying to find and control myself again..

Its as if this game of my life wants to see me down, so down, to never-ever come back up again.

There's no end to this game no matter what path you choose it just continues no-stopping but the universe is ever so kind to give you a gift that you cherish with your whole life, you learn to love it with your all and you'd find yourself loving it more and more each day.

You'd show so much love, that you can't see life without this precious gift

Oh so you thought..

It's all so complicated to concentrate when your mind is not exactly in the right state of mind.. how can you focus on the things that's most important to you when you yourself is not doing well? And you don't give two craps about yourself?..  I've never really thought of this before as I had used to think that you can love still even if you don't love or care for yourself..  but I was wrong.

If you don't care about yourself sure you can still love but not as much as you know you could, it's as if somethings stopping you from reaching to the point you're trying to get to and to pour out all your love.

You begin to distance yourself from people ones whom you treasure for life, they mean the world to you but for some dumb reason you feel the need to be away from them, that you're even able to convince yourself that it's them or the house, that you feel this way and so you believe if you get away you'll feel better..

Which you do but then that feeling suddenly comes back and taunts you again messing with your mind and sleep so you lie, telling yourself what you always have told yourself that "everything's okaii, everything will be alright, you're okaii, you are okaii" You repeat it like a recital until it's stuck in your brain, that you yourself actually believes that you're okaii..

Decieveing yourself once again that even you no longer know what exactly you feel anymore.

Many people comes by in your life some doesn't care much and just walk by not really caring about your existance, some actually stops and shows interests in you but that's exactly that in the end once they get what they want, they just toss you asside stepping on your heart continuing their life as it is, while you try to repair yourself again...

but surprisingly there are ones who actually cares about you, who really loves you and want to see you happy, that they'd do anything for your happiness .. it's really hard for me to accept it even though I'm reminded almost each day of my life but yet my mind or myself (I don't know anymore) denys it .. as much as I had dreamt of it no matter what, I just-  I don't know it's hard to explain.

It's like..

I've always dreamt of being loved but even if someone does it give it to me I go in denial, I just can't believe it's happening, my mind is like a book of excuses, it has a million and one excuses and reasons that it's not.. for every situation, my mind has an response for everything.. it's complicated.

Has anyone ever questioned you with your love life saying "you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself?"

It's funny how we also question ourselves that.. look why I say that, I don't know if it's just me but..

If you you don't love yourself how do you expect others to love you?.. Loving yourself it's a hard thing to do, many find it extremely difficult to. Yes you can love others even if you don't love yourself of course you can..

But do you know why you should love yourself?..

Let me tell you.

Because if you don't love yourself most of the time you become attached to the person in a unhealthy measure, you depend too much on them and your whole life revolves around them. Everything is on them, you feel beautiful, smart and that you can achieve anything in the world or that you can breathe again because of them being by your side. All of this is good for sure..

But what happens when they leave you? What becomes of you?

Because you don't love yourself you won't be able to gather yourself..

You won't see yourself as

Beautiful

Smart

Loving

Caring

Kind

Nice

Worthy

AMAZING..

Person and that you can't achieve anything in the world, suddenly you can no longer..

Breathe-

Again.

In a relationship it's not meant to be burdens or to make one feel like they're dependant on your happiness because that becomes suffocating, that they distance themselves cause it's just too much for them.

The one who should be dependant and responsible for your happiness is yourself and no one else, you can't find true happiness within others because once they walk away where does the happiness go?..

But if you love yourself you blossom the relationship even more, you both grow together because you don't depend on the other for your happiness instead you both share your lives with each other, you share everything together and becoming stronger, you help the happiness double, triple and just go farr above the scale.

A relationship shouldn't just be one person doing everything, the one putting the happiness or showing love, making an effort, giving in too much, it should be coming from both sides 50/50 BOTH should be putting in equal amount and receiving, not just one giving, giving, giving, giving and giving but not receiving that's just plain wrong.. it's wrong.

It takes two to make the relationship work out, one can not push the car up the hill on it's own or it'll go down-hill and same goes for  relationships it takes two :) team work, working together and hearing each other out really helps the relationship to grow in a way you couldn't see possible.

Also if you're depressed or going through something you'll most likely put that onto them and make them feel like crap because it's normal to just latch out on them ( on the ones you love) because you can't help it and you don't feel happy ( maybe because they're trying to help you..) your mind begins to take control and you say things that you don't mean, which can really hurt them as much as they may say or act like it didn't effect them..

It'll always be on their minds constantly. So that's why-

YOU

should

L
O
V
E
Y
O
U
R
S
E
L
F
!
❤

LOVE yourself it won't only just help you, it'll also help those around you and you'll see loving yourself does a lot of changes in your life- Especially how you start to see things differently in a new light ^^ that you'll treat and value people x including yourself.

(See what I mean I have all.the answers and the best advice.. yet I don't take any of them which kind of sucks but I can help others. I have the gift to but sadly I found out that I can't use it on myself..)