💔The Words That Weren't said 🖤

Times Ticking

Gosh life is so confusing .. don't you think?
Why do I say this? Well..because when you fall out of love and you're all heart broken,  suddenly you find that there's  guys chasing after you..

If you were a player it would be soo easy to just go with it.. But when you truly care  about others hearts and you sincerely don't want to hurt anyone it's soo hard.

It's like you're intoxicated..

You feel too hard and too deep, well I do.

I don't know how yous feel when this happens to you all but to me I dont feel like myself,
like i would try to force the relationship that they want ...
If I can see that they truly mean what they are saying, as it hurts me that they feel that way, so I'd rather just do what they say than them being in pain.. is it just me or does anyone else also feels the same.

I guess this is the price paid for when you care far too much about others than yourself.. 

Sad thing is I don't care about myself and I never have and I don't think I ever will.. I've always cared about others more than myself , I'd rather go in pain than seeing them in pain..
I know stupid but that's me it always has been..

But what I don't understand is how do guys/girls just fall in love like that so quickly I don't understand how and Why? Over text in just a few weeks near to a month? How just how I have a friend who's far away and I love them deeply but it took a while for that feeling to grow.. it didn't just happen like BANG!  I don't know...
Maybe that's why I'm scared I don't know..

I do know there was someone over board and he had feelings for me but he didn't want to start anything so then out of the blue he suddenly stopped speaking to me.. which kind of shoock me as I didn't expect it, he said to me that he'll never stop speaking to me promises and promises.. yet in the end all those promises were broken.

I feel like it's going to happen again it's going to happen this very moment and I feel like it's all my fault.. Only because I can't love them.. I'm doing a little test but I feel like what's the point I know.. I know they'll stop speaking to me I know it, I was just being a fool again.. thinking or anything really see what I mean even though you know you have no control over your stupid heart it has a mind of its own.. hhh

The only thing you can do is try to hold yourself back.. which is exactly what I do since I've been hurt which killed and broke me inside, I now hold onto my heart tightly that I have secured nicely with lockers and chains not allowing it to go anywhere, as I'm too afraid to fall again..

But I know to well that love or no love you'll still feel pain either way, the difference is you're the one who decides whether to love again or not, and which ever you chose will be the same it's just a step if you're willing to take to give it another try.. though it's hard.

Honestly it is.. it's soo damnn hard hhh it's not fair.. its so unfair, life is unfair sadly.. it is..

Hmm so actually I was just over thinking that's one main thing I have a bad habit of doing ugh which I hate soo much.
I'm

I just don't understand..
isn't love suppose to happen over time? Something that takes time to grow? It Doesn't just happen like in a snap of a finger? I'm so confused right now...
How exactly does love work? It's so strange like I said..

But how do you know when one is really telling the truth? and that they really really do love you from the bottom of their heart?

Wouldn't it be nice if we could feel just how much exactly they love us?

That... would be amazing !

But sadly that's not how it works, its either you give it a try, well hang out with them and see if you feel anything for them or stay hiding not giving anything a chance, thinking of what could have happened if you did have the courage to give it a try to see how things would be.. Weirdly that's how us humans work right?

We're scared and afraid to open up or to try something even though we've been hurt a couple of times, yet even if we don't try we end up thinking what could have been if we did try and then regret not at least giving it a chance seeing where things could have lead to..  and thinking about maybe something we had lost..

( Thanks for reading this I'm still new to this well I'm not exactly writing this for anyone I'm writing it for myself.. I hope no one minds me writing this x but for those who read this all I'm truly greatful thank you for spending your precious time reading^^ thank you xx )