heaven ☆ mick mars

1.

i still remember the day he left. the day he left was the day i took his place. i became the next punching bag.

nikki was never destined to be shut in his room, playing a guitar that wasn't even plugged in. i always knew he was destined for the stage, even if i was only 8 when he left.

one key thing to note, we never lost contact. ever. even when he was homeless, out on the fucking streets, we still found some way to see each other.

of course, that all changed when he formed mötley crüe. visits became less frequent, more secretive.

i'm lillian. lillian feranna. hopefully sixx, soon.

but i was getting fed up of my filthy shithole of a home. mom hadn't changed.

new day, new man.

all she ever banged on about was how "selfish frankie was..." and how nikki had "left her all alone."

fuck. that. shit.

mötley crüe had already been playing for 2 years, but i needed some way to get to them. their venues were increasing in size, but, lucky for me, they were returning to the sunset strip, trip down memory lane, i guess.

so, that brings me to now.

i may be young, but i fucking know my way around the sunset strip. sneaking in to avoid the queue wasn't a problem. the problem was getting backstage, getting their attention, getting the hell away from my shitty mom.

lights radiated across the dance floor as i saw the horn hand symbol being held up by hundreds of people, as the band blasted out "looks that kill".

i'd never actually seen mötley crüe perform before. rock was never my favourite music genre.

but i must admit the feeling of the drum pounding against my heart gave me an adrenaline rush. suddenly i felt the urge to scream, in a good way. i tried to move forwards through the crowd, as i noticed i had caught the attention of one of the security guards at the back of the venue. my height definitely lets me down. and i don't have fucking ID with me.

jesus the guitar was intense. i couldn't help but find my soul drowning in the sound. so much emotion. i'd never met the band, i was a secret to them, i guess. it's not the life nikki wanted for me, and like i said, not my kinda genre. but whoever was playing that damn guitar owned it.

i stopped as i reached the centre of the crowd, just to glance at my brother.

i smiled as his long dark hair flapped around as he banged his head, strumming his bass with such energy, it radiated off him. but those heels? a definite no.

i kept moving, my eyes every now and then drawn to the lead singer who was electric. i think all eyes were on him, he was dreamy.

the drummer looked crazy. like, crazier than nikki crazy. and surprisingly young.

as i got closer to the front, i glanced up at the final member of the band but felt my eyes caught with his, for a solid 5 seconds and he seemed to lose his concentration. at least, i think he was looking at me. i don't know, maybe the heat and noise was getting to me.

but boy was he something. i can't put my finger on it. there was just...something.

i felt his eyes follow me as i tried to reach the very front, hoping to at least get my brothers attention.

here's where it turned into a real shit show. i tried to walk past this guy, you could say was ripped and very drunk, when my arm accidentally barged against his.

he looked at me angrily. "GET THE FUCK OFF ME." he shouted, his spit flying in all directions. i gulped, my face blushing as i felt lost for words.

i wasn't the most confident of girls.

heck, i was the shyest one in my class. never any attention, never any friends.

i could never defend myself, never in a million years.

i hoped my long, brown hair cascading past my shoulders would hide the fear in my face.

he wouldn't stop looking at me, his fists clenched. come on, lill, stick up for yourself for once...

i squinted my eyes at him and furrowed my eyebrows, attempting to seem confident, when i was shaking like a leaf all the same.

"no." i shouted back, embarrassed at my weak sounding voice.

i still felt the guitarists eyes on me.

next thing i know i'm being shoved by this annoying ass guy, crashing into the people behind me.

at this point the singer stops singing, people being to notice. shit. not attention, not attention...

"hey dude that's my fucking sister!" i now hear nikki shout. great! he finally noticed me. but does he ever shut up...

my face is now burning from all the eyes on me, but it soon fills with shock as the guitarist lifts up his boot and kicks the guy right in the nose, knocking him to the floor. one of the guys friends then steps up, ready to kick the shit out the guitarist. before he can, nikki is swinging his guitar towards his face.

what did i tell you? shit show.

before i knew it, all members of the band except the guitarist were involved in separate fights. i've heard they have a reputation for that.

as i'm in such a state of shock, i don't even notice a hand reaching out to me until he shouts.

"hey, kid."

i looked over and see the guitarist crouched down, looking almost in pain yet reaching out to me. i grab his hand and he lifts me up onto the stage. not letting go of his hand, he leads me backstage.

"are you okay, kid?" he asks.

it's only when we reach the silence and cool temperature that i realise how fast i'm breathing. i couldn't even respond, i'm guessing he noticed.

"hey, it's okay. deep breaths. you're safe, okay?" he says softly. i now get a chance to see him in better light as he faces me, my hand still gripping onto his. he didn't seem to have a problem with it, and it was the only thing keeping me from having a heart attack right now. his face is contoured with dark grey makeup, a red band round his head, his long black hair falling out of it. his outfit was badass, obviously.

and his eyes. those god damn, concerned eyes.

shit...say something lillian.

"i-i'm 19, i'm not a...i'm not a kid." is all I can manage to say, attempting to slow my heart rate. eventually the screaming and shouting stops, he lets go of my hand.

he laughs before slowly walking towards an alcohol cabinet. "you're welcome." he says, grabbing the neck of a jack daniels whilst flicking the lid off and sitting on the couch.

"sorry...t-thanks."

"you're 19? kid compared to me." he says, taking a big swig of the drink and placing on his shades.

"lillian?" i can now hear my brother call. great, interrupting the moment.

typical nikki.