SNS || jeon jungkook ✓

63. blame

63.

I'm taken back by his appearance and all words float from my mind. I'm sniffling back the worried stress emotions from my missing brother, but now I don't know how to feel given that Taehyung is unexpectedly with me.

"W-Why are you here?" I am a muttering mess.

I wipe at my face, dried tears of panic set in my skin from the hot air. My sneakers are digging into the grass beneath me, and it's just then that I realize how terrible I must look. My clothing from the will reading and funeral earlier today is matched with my sneakers and running mascara. I feel helpless and alone, my mind scattering with the worst of possibilities.

Taehyung pulls down his mask to reply. "I wanted to talk to you," he says.

I look at him with defeat. I am so tired of this. He's staring at me nervously with his wide, innocent eyes. His blonde hair is victim to the humid air, but is subdued underneath a backwards baseball cap. I glance at my notificationless phone again and sigh with a heavy chest.

"I don't have time for this," I stand from the bench with a groan at him, "more important things are happening right now. How did you even find me?"

"Your iPhone location..." he remarks. His words are hesitant, low and careful. 

I push back the hair from my face and it sticks to my skin. I'm sweating and anxious to find out where David is. Looking at Taehyung brings sickening thoughts to my mind— my mother, the lies and my boyfriend. I cringe at the thought and suddenly the anger that I need in order to stay strong returns.

"You need to get away from me," I warn him.

"Please," he begs. "We really, really need to talk."

His tone of voice is close to breaking— weak, trembling and borderline crying. He takes a step towards me, but I don't move. I'm in shock and still cannot process any aspect of my life. What is my life? My brother has been exposed to the entire world online, my love life was produced from a company, and the only person who wanted to give me a voice is dead. That's my life.

"My brother is fūcking missing and the last thing I want to do right now is talk to you," my tiresome voice carries weight for once.

With blurry eyes I look at my phone and try to call David again. It continuously forwards to voicemail, but it is the only thing I can do at this point. I'm mumbling to myself with a worsening scattered mind and frivolous words. My lying friend is silent next to me, but with my pacing movements he is watching me with a worried and intent gaze.

"Missing? What?"

"These people..." I trail. "T-These horrible people online shared photos of my brother with another guy... a-and now David is gone and the hanok is a mess. I'm scared that something happened to him."

"Let me help you," Taehyung offers.

I huff at him and my pacing turns into nervous stumbles back and forth. There is no one around us, and the street is dim-lit with closed stores and an empty park adjacent. I feel trapped even in the large expanse of nothingness surrounding us. Having him near me is giving me anxiety enough, and now I can't seem to focus on the task at hand.

"You can't help me," I say, "no one can. I don't know where he is. I don't know what to do. Everything is falling apart around me and I'm sinking."

Taehyung is quiet after my small ramble. I'm pulling at my hair from my roots and taking deep breaths to stop myself from freaking out.

"I-I need to go back to the hanok in case he returns," I say, but I don't know how audible it is. My feet are leading the way before I can think about it.