Side Quests

Assault on Furryland

"Alright ladies and gentlemen, our intel tells us that the enemy is upon us. They will reach our gates within minutes. Our job is to protect him at all costs. If he should fall into enemy hands then it is all over; the enemy will be able to travel to any world they wish." General Lance Banana stopped before the Furryland flag backdrop. The group of human-ish apples, oranges, kiwi, potato chips, pudding, and PB & J sandwiches stood straight and gave their undivided attention to the wise, slightly browning banana.

The flag image was replaced by an image of a humanoid armadillo wearing a Hawaiian t-shirt, sneakers, white gloves, and goggles (and of course, no pants). General Banana continued. "We must protect Andy Armadillo. He is the link to just about every realm in the Omniverse. If he is taken, the enemy will be able to use his quantum bonds to open wyrmholes to anywhere." The onscreen image changed to what looked like a group of average human beings; but if you looked close enough, something was off. "This is the enemy. The supporters of the Toon Rebellion and members of The Wyrm." An image of various other creatures appeared next, each were humanoid and wearing clothes. There was a snake, a possum, a fox, a treeperson, a person made of water, and a robot. "Andy's friends; Vinnie Viper, Paulina Possum, Frankie Fox, Trevor Trunks, Honey Too-Oh, and Rusty McGee; are secondary."

General Banana thrust his fist into the air. "Tonight, we show why the Food Fighters are the greatest security force in all the realms!"

The cornucopia of food, beverages, and condiments cheered with military gusto. They turned as one and began marching towards the gates of Furryland.

The theme park was spooky-quiet. Once word got to management that the Rebellion was coming, they shutdown the park and evacuated the staff. The only ones left were Andy, his friends, the Food Fighters, and any staff willing to defend the park; and by extension, the Omniverse.

The marching squad met Vinnie Viper and Rusty McGee, along with some of the other "characters" and staff, at the gates. General Banana again addressed the troops. "We have faced worse than this, men and women. We were victorious during the Fan Uprising of '89. We stood united during the time Omega Institute tried to sue us. We will win this night! Who was it that gave us a home after our home realms were destroyed by the Void? Who was it that us taught us and gave us new purpose? And where is it that we can hide among humanity because they think we are just park attractions?"

"Furryland!" shouted the crowd.

"Now...is the time to repay that debt."

The gates began to clang and shake as the rebellion forces attacked the gates. The troops gathered their weapons. A second later, the gate broke open and the horde of rebels poured in. At first, they looked like normal humans or anthropomorphic animals or other creatures, but then you could see the hallow and sunken eyes. You could smell the decay of their pale and greenish skin. Their jaws hung slack and their hair was thin.

The cartoony park defenders aimed their weapons, but the horde did not attack. Instead the milling and moaning creatures stepped aside for a skeleton in a lab coat.

"I give you this chance," said the skeleton, "join The Wyrm and be free."

General Banana's eyes darted towards the mindless minions. "And become one of your zombies? Never!" The crowd joined in his rejection.

"Then, DIE!" shouted the skeleton, pointing towards them.

The horde descended upon the defenders. The troop opened fire. A couple cookies fired cream pies from a bazooka. A bowl of salad with legs and arms stabbed at the invaders with a joy buzzer lance. Vinnie produced a giant mallet from nowhere and bonked foes on the head. The fish stick tech guys called in drone air support. The drones rained anvils upon the zombies. Some of the theme park "characters" fought with spring-loaded boxing gloves. Ketchup bottles laid oversized mousetraps in the path of the incoming monsters.

Sadly, even though they fought bravely, the troops were soon overran. The zombies and their skeleton master were free to assault Andy Armadillo's condo. But, the invaders did have to contend with Frankie Fox, Trevor Trunks, and the remaining Food Fighters and park staff. Unfortunately, the battle didn't last long. Soon the zombies and skeleton were upon the locked and chained door that was intended to keep Andy Armadillo safe. It took the skeleton about five seconds to break the lock. The door to Andy's apartment opened.

"Hiya, neighbors!" said the cartoon armadillo with a friendly wave. "It's always great to make new friends." The zombies moaned and inched closer to Andy. "Now, now, let's not let this escalate into violence. I'm sure we can work this out if we just talk." The horde lunged at Andy. He soon was on the floor with the zombies clawing and pushing at him. "Attacking someone isn't very nice." Suddenly Andy's eyes turned red. A moment later, lasers shot from them. The attacking zombies were thrown backwards.

As the zombies prepared to attack again, Andy Armadillo stood. "I tried to warn you. Now I'm afraid I'll have to ban you from the park." Andy held his arms towards the zombies. They transformed into cannon-like guns. In an Austrian accent he said, "You won't be back." He started firing on the crowd of zombies while in a robotic voice saying, "Exclude. Exclude. Exclude." With each hit, the zombies vanished from sight. A moment later they reappeared on a ship docked outside the park's property.

Eventually, only the skeleton remained. "How is this possible?" he exclaimed.

"Today's lesson, kids," said Andy. "Don't tick off cartoon characters." Andy aimed the ban cannons at the skeleton. "Our jokes are killer, hee-hee." He fired.

***
A moment later, the ejected skeleton reappeared on the docked ship. Honey Too-Oh turned to Paulina Possum. "That's everyone," she said.

Paulina held up a champagne bottle. "I christen thee the Get Lost." She smashed the bottle against the ship's hull. The wind caught the sails and away went the ship.

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The Toon Rebellion continues in Sparks of Rebellion. Available for preorder at many online retailers. Releases April 19, 2019.