I agreed to Ted yesterday. Its 8:00 and I feel like I need to prepare myself. Come on Henry, he's just a guy, he probably doesn't even like you.
Don't get distracted by his chocolate brown eyes and his rosy cheeks and his constant smirk and. Shut up. You're so annoying Henry, pining after a straight guy.
*knock knock*
Breathe. Breathe.
"Henry! You're a bit early-" Fuck oh no, he's shirtless. Do. Not. Look. "Let me just.. sit on the couch I'll be like 2 minutes."
Ted's flat has a cinnamon like smell, warmth. The leather couch is slightly sticky but honestly, it doesn't worry me.
Stop sitting here like an idiot, get your work out Henry.
"Sorry for keeping you waiting, ahh work already, cute." Ted sits next to me, closely. Cute. I can not handle this.
9 o'clock already, all it has been filled with is Ted making sexual jokes and making me blush. I hope he hasn't noticed.
"I think I should get go-"
I start to stand but Ted pulls me down. His hands are rough but it doesn't bother me.
"Don't go yet, I enjoy spending time with you."
He looks into my eyes, he's so perfect. He puts his hands up to my face and traces it.
I melt into his touch.
No no no what's he doing, he pulled away and his cheeks have flushed.
Come back. Please. Ted no please.
"Do you want a drink?"
"Sure." Maybe he'll relax with a drink. Of course, Smirnoff Ice. At least it tastes a bit more like lemonade than anything else.
Half an hour passes and suddenly I am a giggling mess and his jokes have increased.
I feel out of control of my body, and I can't help myself.
I just lie on his lap, he rubs his thumbs over my cheeks. He seems like the kind of guy who would be tough and wouldn't stop till he gets what he wants. But even his rough hands feel soft against my face.
But really, he probably would never like me.
"Hey Henry, can I tell you something stupid?" He seems to be laughing at himself, even if I said no he would have sad it anyway.
"I've been so nervous for you to come over."
"Aww Ted, that's really sweet, I don't see why though."
I sit up and look at him, his lips look so soft.
I want to grab his face and kiss him.
What is happening.
He leans in.
He's so close to my face I can almost hear him breathing.
"Henry"
"Ted"
This is the moment I have been waiting for.
Henrys eyes, they're even more intriguing close up. There is a slight greenish tinge, especially when his cheeks glow red. His soft cheeks fit perfectly into my hands.
Slowly I pull him towards me, all I have wanted to do is kiss him, and here he is. Right in front of me, maybe he has liked me.
I can feel his body tensing, it is sort of fun to be almost teasing him. I press my lips against his, and I can feel his smile as with one hand he clutches my waist and with the other he places his hand on top of the one rubbing his cheek.
We fit so well, he's only slightly taller than me.
I pull him closer towards me, I never want this moment to end.
"What the hell have I walked into?"
Emma. Shit. I forgot she asked to get milk for tomorrow.
Henry pulls apart, and his face that was just a rosy pink and smiling, was now grey and he looked disappointed in himself.
Maybe he never liked me.
Maybe he felt forced.
Maybe I just read the signs wrong.
"Uh... I'll grab the milk and go. I uh just thought that-"
"Ted, I'll see you tomorrow. I should get home. Just bring my stuff to bio tomorrow."
And before I could say anything, he was gone. He hadn't even looked at me.
Emma looks between me and the now shut door.
"He's liked you for ages. He wouldn't shut up about it at one point y'know"
"What?"
"My reaction was instinctive, but honestly I don't fully know what he sees in you. But all he talks about is how your eyes go golden in the light, and how all he wants to do is hold your hands, and all that cheesy shit."
I can't handle it.
"Em, I think you should go, I need some time to think."
I know she noticed that as I turned to sit down on the couch I wobbled, but honestly I don't care anymore.
All I want is him.
So that's what I'll get.
April 4th. 10am. 12 hours after Henry left. I open the door to biology. And he is the only one in the room.
"Mr Davidson said class was cancell-"
He had started speaking but as he looked at me, he stopped and looked away.
Was he crying?
I hope not.
*the rest of the chap is from Henrys pov, it starts once he left Teds and got home.*
Idiot.
Idiot.
Idiot.
Why did you let him kiss you?
Why did you enjoy it?
I lock the door and fall onto the floor and can't help but let the tears silently flow down my face.
The last person you felt like this about was Chad.
And then you messed up.
And now he's gone.
He hated you.
Idiot.
Idiot.
Idiot.
By the time my thoughts stop, it's the next day.
8am.
Who cares if I'm early for class.
It'll be nice to find something to distract with.
I open the door and Mr Davidson has his head on the table, a phone in his hand.
"Class is cancelled. She left me."
He stood up and left.
And that was it. He was gone.
I don't even want to ask.
I sat down at my desk, and as people came into the room I'd tell them class wasn't on. But whenever I was alone I would be filled with the thoughts of the night.
Teds rough hands felt nice against my face. His clutch was light but firm.
His eyes were mesmerising and he stared into mine so intensely. I usually hate eye contact but here I was, thinking about it hours later.
His clothes were loose, but his body looked perfect and he could feel the light muscle.
His voice became raspier as the night had progressed and yet I melted to every word he said.
When he kissed me, I could feel the lip balm he'd put on prior, in fact they left a sort of taste on my lips.
He wasn't sober. He probably thought I was someone else. He probably thought I was Charlotte.
I can feel the tears slowly drop down onto the desk, sometimes they'd land on my
sleeve when I wiped them away.
The door opens, again I repeat the same message,
"Mr Davidson *blah blah*"
There he is.
Somehow his messy hair and his untucked shirt and mismatching socks stole my breath away. I had to look away.
But I heard him come and sit down next to me. He put his hands on my back, and pulled me into him. His heart was beating rapidly but his face showed otherwise.
I don't know why I'm upset.
But when he placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, I wrapped my hands round his waist and suddenly everything went back to normal.
Chad never calmed me down. I loved him.
But he never made me feel better when I was upset.
What is this feeling?
