Saints and Sinners [On Hold]

Discount damsel

~Victoria~

"Luke, you are my father."

I probably shouldn't have led with that, but I was abandoned for half my life.

He should blame himself for my technically incorrect Star Wars references.

The man noticed me in that way people only seemed to do in action movies, casually pointing his gun at my face while staring intently at the royals.

"Personally, I think 'I missed you' or 'I'm sorry for being a douchebag' would work a lot better than, say, holding a firearm to my face."

Of course, he didn't say anything.

Cue the montage of us playing catch because there's just so much love and attention I feel right now.

"Also, a great tip when meeting your estranged daughter after a decade: don't act like the Terminator."

The man showed about as much emotion as a table. Also his catchphrase seemed to be "I'll never be back."

Well, surprise, surprise.

When daddy dearest just stood there like a Windows program about to crash in the next seventeen minutes, I decided my next course of action.

I threw a blade at him.

Because that's how all good family reunions start.

He didn't even flinch as he caught it by the hilt.

Ok, then.

It struck me that there was something off about the way he moved. He had a waxy kind of flexibility and unnaturally fast reflexes. Even his expression looked fixated. Vacant.

And oddly, the only thought running through my head was that I was going to fail my test because this was the third blade I'd lost this month.

What was it Danny had said again?

Priorities?

As I watched my father hold the world's longest stare off with some rich ässhole's shirt, I wondered where I inherited screwing that up from.

This time I aimed the blade towards his bosses, only going as far as raising my arm up to aim.

The hand that caught my wrist was faster than a BTS concert selling out.

"Talk about a work ethic." I muttered. "Parent of the fücking century, right here."

His eyes finally met mine. Peter was the name he used the most for his aliases, and the one I grew up hearing the most - a normal enough, 'I drive my kids around in a minivan and totally did not murder someone in cold blood before breakfast' kind of name.

"Listen to me carefully." His voice was low. "Get off this island. Find Eric. Take him with you."

He emphasised every word like he was teaching me the alphabet.

How cute that we were bonding over cryptic life or death messages.

Before I could ask him anything else, the two royals began to walk away, continuing their conversation. They could've been talking about anything from saving the Amazon rainforests to raising an undead army from the underworld and I couldn't bring myself to care.

Because the man I knew as Peter, who raised me with a questionable set of values and the worst pancakes known to mankind, was gone.

Again.

Perhaps if I'd followed them, I'd find him. Perhaps if my phone hadn't buzzed, I would've tried. Perhaps I was willing to trade this sudden sense of emptiness for someone who'd actually given a damn about me.

I called Xavier.

"You know," Biscuit's voice was uneven, "you have amazing timing."

I remembered Daniel's call.

Well, shît.

"Please be breathless because you're cheating on me." I said. "You get one free pass if it means you're not in mortal danger."

"Well, I flirted with a demon and now we're about to crash land, so I guess I tried both?"

"One day." I muttered. "Can we try one day where we can act like an old married couple and get excited over coupons?"

"Limited offer: Half off, Xavier's äss." He said, voice straining, in the middle of pushing something. "I figure you should save that one."

"Send me your location and I'll come get it."

"Should I be a good boyfriend and ask you about your day, or should I just try to not catch on fire?"

"I met my dad and he told me to leave this place with some random dude and then he disappeared, and if you're still alive," I said in one breath, "Well, you tried both."

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

"Give me motherfücking coupons. Any day now."

I smiled, saying goodbye as my phone pinged with a message, his face showing up on the map.

Heading to my dorm, I quickly showered and left a note for Evie before taking out the duffel bag that I'd packed for emergencies.

It was just as I was closing the door that I noticed a neatly folded blanket on my bed.

Because somehow with everything that happened today, someone breaking into my room and doing my bed for me sounded the most sinister.

Yep, it had taken taken twenty one long years, but I was definitely losing it now.

I cautiously undid the folds and found my blade. Tucked in was a note with penmanship wedding invites would cry at.

As if I'd ever let you fail.
-EJ

I turned it over, the cardstock unexpectedly heavy.

PS- Don't leave your toaster on and blame your roommate for the electricity bill. Dïck move.

I was clearly being haunted by the ghost of good housekeeping.

I shoved the note into my pocket, locking the door behind me and heading out. I simply couldn't deal with this right now- not when Biscuit was probably in the middle of the Atlantic, getting real friendly with the fish.

As if I'd ever let you fail.

The phrase didn't leave my head as I found a cab to the airport, by which time I realised I didn't have single clue on how to get to Xavier short of hijacking a plane.

What was the plan here again?

A boat?

Aladdin's magic carpet?

As my phone rang again, I thought about earlier today and I suddenly had a very stupid idea.

It involved someone somewhere on a harbour on the verge of passing out drunk who somehow knew what would happen today.

***
Victoria : "Three guesses who. Every vote gets a coupon."