call me again → cmbyn ✔

10-let you go

oliver ✰° ✧ ⁎ ·˙․

was it bad of me to be jealous?

i mean, he hardly knows him so why is he offering to show him around town, he could be a serial killer.

he did the same to you

yes i know, but that was a completely different thing going on. i was a little more clingy to elio after elijah left, we slept together that night after much consent from the both of us that this was okay.

it wasn't okay and we both knew, but i decided to push away the difficult thoughts in my head and instead think about the following summer when my fiance and i would be here together. no temptations.

i was heading home in a couple of days, and then i'd be away for the next few months. i guess work would take up too much of my mind for me to care about him.

if i came back the following summer and he was with the new boy, well maybe that would be good for the both of us.

i woke up before elio did, it was a rare thing so i just lay there staring at the ceiling so not to disturb him, he was curled into my side, curly hair spread across the pillow and my chest.

i let a stray tear leak from my eye, when i think of the pain i must've put him through it makes me want to end myself.

his eyes fluttered open as i watched his peaceful face.

"why are you crying?" he spoke softly, his voice croaky.

"i don't want to leave you" the roles were suddenly reversed, he held all of the power between us.

"you'll be back in summer right? oliver you're getting married, you have so much to look forward to." he smiled, but i could see the pain he was trying to hide.

"i cheated on her like she did to me" i said quietly, which was true. i'd just done exactly what she promised to never do again. which made me as bad as her really.

"you don't need to tell her, i wont tell her" he smiled again, trying his hardest to cheer me up.

"i appreciate it el" i whispered, pulling him into my arms. he buried his head in my neck, i felt his lips making small marks.

"elio" he whispered into my ear, making me grin.

"oliver" i mimicked in the same husky voice.

"what are we gonna do oliver" he sat up, cross legged with his hands in my lap.

"you're gonna find someone once i leave, and we're gonna have to live without each other" i muttered, it was the hardest truth to accept, but something along those lines would have to happpen no matter how much we fight against it.

"when are you getting married?" he asked me, i couldn't read his expression

"november time" i replied, he was searching my face some sign of clue. he wanted it to stop. i wanted it to stop. all of it.

"when you come in summer, i might not be here" he said softly, taking one of my hands in his.

"why?" i was suddenly concerned.

"well because ive been looking at schools in france and if i get accepted ill be studying over there whilst you're here"

i sighed in reply, i wanted to just leave and get back to my home with my fiance and the art and the work to get my mind off of this boy with his smarts and beauty and capability of capturing all of my emotions and tripling them in size.

"i wish you well elio" i mumbled, rising from the bed and making my way to our shared bathroom, letting the tears i'd been holding for god knows how long, fall down my cheeks.

-

after i'd showered i made my way downstairs and was greeted by mr perlman who invited me into his office. i scouted for elio before sitting.

"i realised i haven't been as good a host as i would like to be, how have you been oliver?" he blurted out.

"ive been good thank you sir, busy with wedding planning and work and such." i replied with a smile.

"and entertaining my son it seems, oliver i see you as another son but unfortunately it isn't by blood" he began, i felt like this wouldn't turn out the friendly conversation it had started.

"but you can't go on with my son when you have a woman awaiting you in another country" his words were soft, which scared me more, i would've preferred he yelled.

"i understand" i started, he cut me off.

"but do you oliver? because when you left after summer my son wasn't himself for a month and when hes finally back to normal you re enter our lives and, apparently, you two are close again". he didn't raise his voice once, just like a disappointing parent would talk to their failing child.

"ill be gone in two days" i managed to say, a grimace on my face.

"i hope i haven't made things hard between us now" he spoke faster than normal.

"no no, not at all" but of course he had, and now he had made my decision very tough, and very much real.

i guess it all depends on the months before summer.

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