Lithium (Once Upon a Time)

Chapter Forty-One: We are both

Storybrooke, 30th December 2012....

Regina: The swords tingled, the metal in them exploded in sound waves that threatened to shatter the window's glass.

We looked at one another, our eyes burning in the flames of anger.

How could I hate myself so much and be hated by her as well? It was unbelievable, but as I stared at my evil persona's eyes, I realized that we hated each other more deeply than we hated Snow White.

In the end, it wasn't about us hating the girl who destroyed our happiness, it was us hating ourselves for being so broken. I never healed, after Daniel died, or after Danielle. It was all so rushed, and it was above all my fault. I knew it, I knew I condemned everyone who loved me to a life of suffering, death at the best-case scenario and I couldn't help but feel ashamed and sad.

All I wanted was to be repaired, and as our swords collided and our eyes melted in anger, I came to terms with it.

When the Evil Queen angrily threw me against the wall and all I heard was one final gasp as she said "You really think your stronger than me? Better than me? Because you filled that little hole inside you with hope and love?! I'm all that's there and always will be there!" That's when I realized how she was wrong.

We are both, but that doesn't mean we are only light and dark. As I felt the end approaching a feeling of déjà vu hit me, like when they say you're dying and your all life appears in the midst of the end! I remembered the kisses stolen from the savior, the love I had for Henry, all those hugs, the nights in the cinema, watching Star Wars, I even remembered the days me and Snow were friends and rode on the fields! I remembered my daughter and the eight wonderful years in which she loved me as deeply as I loved her!

It was more than light or darkness; my life was never one story. For some, I was a villain, for sure, and for others, a hero, they saw my strength, the ability to do the right thing even when I felt the weakest. But above all, they saw me as a thousand shades of me. I was Regina, the Evil Queen, but I was also the fifty shaded mayor, the innocent girl in love with the stable boy... And as I remembered my life and the Evil Queen pointed the tip of the sword at my neck, I could realize she was having that feeling too. For we were still the same person.

We both remembered the infinity of our soul and how widely big and complex we were.

I even remembered moments spent in other lives. Lives I never thought I had, people I loved so deeply and somehow, I forgot about them. As if I had more than just one life, truly, been curse and suffered time laps, more than twice!

A raven- haired girl, someone who looked just like me, appeared. She hugged me while I wore some jeans and rock t-shirts! How the hell did I forget wearing such clothing?! Nonetheless, I was very found of that girl. She meant a lot to me as well as to my son, who by the way, appeared on the scene all grown up and I never felt so much proud for him before.

I also remembered someone green with envy turning bright as she felt my sisterly love for her. The two of us, hugging, while our mother departed to the light. And me thinking I'd never love Cora after what she did to me.

So many more people appeared, Robin Hood who breathed hope into me, like no one before. Me and Snow reconciliating, which I never thought would be possible, and becoming best friends! So many memories, I never thought were even remotely possible of being real, yet I felt how realistic they were, I felt their embrace, as I took my final breath, only to realize, I wanted to grasp life as much as I could, with my bare hands. I wanted to drink from the goblet of Life, itself, and keep drinking! I wanted to be alive for a thousand years more as I watched the all world and the people I loved triumph. I wanted to be remembered by more than being just a hero or a villain! I wanted to be remembered as Regina, the all Regina and not just the parts that belong to the darkness and the ones that belonged to the light! I wanted to be remembered by the infinity of my being!

"No, this isn't the end! It can't be!" I yelled and as the palms of my hands drowned in a thick pure white magical light, I threw it on the Evil Queen and she hit the wall, being held by some vines that came out of the wall.

"I have so much in my life, so much that goes beyond dark or light. Yin and Yang becomes pale and shallow in comparison to my existence, to what I've done in my life, who I loved and loved me back... To who I was... Who we were. You are a part of me, and I'm a part of you, whether you like it or not! We are both and ar the same time we are a thousand more. In the end, we are infinite. And I'm going to show you how, by embracing you and all the outs of my being. By loving each bit, each moment, each fragment of our soul! Our light and our darkness but also everything else that comes in between!" And as I made those words the code of my life, one that I'd follow forever, I hugged by darker half and the two of us melted in an intense light that dressed all the shades known to men. Finally realizing we were more than light and dark, we melted into one body and a jolt of multicolored electricity engulfed the entire town, as the memories of all the other lives everyone had, came to the surface!

I took a deep breath and let the magic splash breathe freedom into me and remember me of what it was to be Regina, The Evil Queen, Roni and all the other lives I had and got lost in the sands of Time.

"I remember, I remember everything!" I told myself, with a smile that covered my entire face.

Now all I wanted to do was to find the people I cared most in the world. I wanted to kiss Emma until my last breath, hug Henry as deeply as I possibly could and find all the others who weren't in Storybrooke at the moment but I still loved.

No more time to waste, I needed to find my family!