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Part 12

What a trick life felt to be. One day you spend your time writing novels and thinking that nothing can ever help. The next day you hear that you are wanted by the person you are mad about. That kind of things leave you without a sense of reality and you wander the streets looking for your lost self.

Alex promised not to give up because he wanted me and wasn't it actually the most fantastic thing he could say? Perhaps, I had a very good dream and somehow believed in it. There was no other logical explanation for the words that left Alex's lips in the bar that evening. Or maybe, I just couldn't see a simple truth.

March came quickly but it felt like the time was going really slow. That was probably because it had been a week since our last meeting with Alex in the bar when I understood that no matter what dreams I had, they wouldn't be the reality as fast as I wanted. The whole week I didn't hear anything from Alex and that was torturing me.

Obsessive thoughts started spinning in my mind. Did he forget about me just like I imagined he would? The only difference is that when you imagine it in your head it seems not as painful as it is in reality. Well, it appeared to be that I wasn't ready for that kind of scenario.

However, life was going its way sometimes forgetting to notify me of it. That evening I was working on a new novel all alone in my apartment and the work seemed to be going pretty good. I even planned to go to publishing soon. It was such a strange thing for me only because I got used to a writer's block routine so much that the progress in writing felt like a miracle.

In fact, I was writing but my thoughts were flying somewhere very far from the table and typewriter. They were wandering on the roofs of the dark streets of the city looking for someone who was silent for a week and it actually felt like ages.

Feeling a cold March wind blowing in the open window, I stood up from my chair and looked out. The street above was silent and dark but the scent of the spring was flying in the air intoxicating me with a feeling of poetical loneliness. It was pleasant and sad at the same time to be all alone on one of March's evenings. Something about that thought made me stay near the window so I sat on my window pane and looked down the street.

At first, I hadn't noticed anything. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that it was hard to focus. But in one of the moments of thinking my eyes caught a walking figure at the end of the street and I felt my heart racing all of a sudden. Of course, it was definitely him.

Alex was walking down the street like it was some kind of routine that I somehow hadn't known about until that evening. All of his movements were lazy but mesmerising keeping the same not very fast but not a slow rhythm. His expression was a little bored but relaxed as if Alex didn't care about anything at all. The cigarette in his hand was almost burned out and it seemed to be lit up a long time ago. The posture of his looked too natural in the dark of the evening.

His hair seemed soft but still anthracite, darker than the evening. I felt an obsessive feeling to touch it but that felt impossible even after he stopped near my building. Was I dreaming or something?

As an answer to my question, a moment later Alex threw away the cigarette and came in the block of flats of mine without any hesitation. I hold my breath. Honestly, I didn't know what to do.

Something got into me and I rushed to the door as if trying to protect it. A foolish reaction of a person who was afraid of desirable happiness that could come through that door. But I didn't know what to do. However, I had no time to think because the minute I rushed to the door, the doorbell rang.

'Yes?' I asked as loudly as I could not opening the door as if I didn't expect anybody and had no actual idea that Alex was standing near the door. Well done, Lili.