Taking the Leap

Chapter 8

I chewed my lip, feeling the way Achilles had thoroughly used my mouth. "My ex."

Achilles' face turned absolutely white. He parted his lips, closed them and then stood so quickly he made himself dizzy. "Wow." He whispered.

I touched my throat, feeling all the little bruises Achilles had given me, liking the feel of them. "It's complicated."

He was nearly yelling. "What's so complicated? I'm here doing something that's hard for me to want and you go and say your ex's name in the middle of things. I can't believe we were about to have se—"

I scoffed. "I was not about to sleep with you, Mister I-can-only-make-moves-on-guys-with-some-liquid-courage."

Achilles' voice was sharp. "Well, you seemed plenty happy in there in the bed with me."

I stood up to point at his chest trying not to seethe too badly. "Of course I was happy in the bed with you. I'm attracted to you, you idiot."

"Don't call me that." He snapped.

"What should I call you then? Jealous? Selfish? Which word do you prefer?"

He frowned, raising his hands to hold my face, circling the swell of my cheekbones with his thumbs. The soft gesture was completely at odds with the harshness of his voice. "Are you sick, or something? Is that what this is? Do you have intimacy issues?"

I closed my eyes, wanting him to just kiss me again. To kiss me hard. "My ex was not a good person." I whispered, licking my lips. "Sometimes, I just feel like I shouldn't be around anyone after that."

"Why?" Achilles' voice was soft.

I shuddered, shaking my head.

"How are we supposed to do this if..." he didn't finish.

"I'm drunk." I said, leaning my forehead against his. "You're drunk. I don't want to talk about Corey. I'm sorry I said his name. I'm sorry it upset you. I'm sorry you kissed me."

"I'm not sorry I kissed you." He said quickly, the sweet scent of wine mingling between our mouths. "I want to keep kissing you."

I closed my eyes. "Tomorrow you're just going to toss me away. That's what going to happen. I'm high maintenance." I licked my lips. "I need someone who wants me as much as I want them. Someone who isn't embarrassed, who wants to show me off. Someone who I can introduce my mother to, who will come to my concerts, who grounds me. What are we even doing here, Achilles?"

He kissed my cheek before sitting back on the bed. He was whispering, now, eyes boring into mine. "Maybe I can try."

"Try?" I breathed.

"Maybe, for you, I can try." He said intently, taking my hand and tracing out the shape, slipping his fingers into mine. "There are things I want, and maybe I want them with you, Xander."

My voice shook. "No lying, Achilles. I won't have my heart broken like that."

He squeezed my hand. "I won't break your heart." He pulled onto my hand until I sat beside him on the bed.

"You can't promise that. And if we try this thing...You have to treat me right. You have to understand sometimes I need space and sometimes I can be clingy. I spend too much time composing music. I work a lot. I'm close to my mom, I don't talk to my dad. You have to understand these things. And—" my voice broke. "You can't hit me, ever."