YOUTH. | JK | COMPLETE

let go

"There's a first time for everything. And, for the record, we're gonna swing dance." He teases, beginning to lead her in the steps. So, for the next twenty minutes, he teaches her to swing dance, guiding her with patient words and gentle touches. The night before and all of its pitfalls are forgotten for the morning, and are replaced by laughter and mumbled apologies as she steps on his toes and he nearly drops her during the final dip. By the time they're finished, the pancakes and bacon are cold, but neither of them mind. They end up seated across from eachother on the kitchen counter, though a perfectly good dining room table is feet away, with plates of reheated breakfast food and a bottle of maple syrup between them.

"I'm exhausted. Dancing is physically taxing." Haneul explains, digging into her food.

"True. Hoseok tried to convince me to come to one of the classes he teaches, but I declined. Nothing about that—hip, um, hip jump?" Jeongguk pauses as he cuts his pancake, trying to remember what the modern dance is called.

"Hip hop." Haneul fills in, and he hums in appreciation.

"Ah, yes. Hip hop. Nothing about that sounds fun to me. Especially if it's anything like the dancing people do in clubs." He explains, and Haneul raises her eyebrows.

"I mean, yeah, it sort of is. But club dancing can be more...sexual." Haneul explains, and Jeongguk practically shivers.

"Trust me, I'm aware. I went to a club once and someone was all over me. It was preposterous." He recalls the night he first hung out with all of Seokjin's friends. The time when he and Seokjin were still friends. That thought hurts a little, and he tries not to think about it, but the night that started all of his present problems lingers in his mind. That was the night he encountered the bouncer who discovered his identity, the same one who shot Hoseok. Seokjin found out what he is because of that, and their friendship disintegrated before Jeongguk's eyes.

"Jeongguk? You okay?" Haneul asks. Jeongguk snaps out of his thoughts and manages a small nod, but Haneul doesn't buy it. "You know that you can talk to me about your problems, right? I'm here for you. I won't force you to tell me anything, but I'm worried about you." She says, and the first implied reference to the night before ensues. Jeongguk feels ashamed of his state last night—whimpering, restless, and terribly afraid of something that isn't even real.

"Haneul—last night, I—I'm sorry you saw that." He says, looking down at the still uneaten pancakes on his plate.

"Gguk, don't be. Please. You mean too much to me for seeing you like that to make any difference in the way I think of you. I just want to help." She says, starry eyes connecting with his own and making his heart melt. He feels the overwhelming urge to cry, but he doesn't.

"My dream—my nightmare. I've had it for decades. Ever since I lost Jimin." Jeongguk gently caresses the "J" tattoo on his wrist subconsciously. "Nothing I do seems to stop it, so—so every night I wake up like a wreck. But last night, it—the dream typically ends at the same place, but last night it kept going. And it was—very overwhelming, I suppose." He explains. Haneul doesn't pressure him to tell her details, which he appreciates greatly.

"That's awful. Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? To analyze the dream and figure out why it keeps recurring?" She asks softly, clearly deeply concerned for him. He feels bad for burdening her with his baggage.

"I have—but, I have a feeling it wouldn't help much." Jeongguk says vaguely.

"Why? It works for other people, so why wouldn't it work for you?" She asks. Jeongguk smiles sadly at her neverending optimism, her hope, her naivety.

"Because doing that would require telling them about the dream." Jeongguk says grimly, and flattens his lips into a thin line. He has to tell her. He tries to emotionally prepare himself for a moment, but he knows nothing he ever does will prepare himself to voice the plot of his nightmares. "It always begins in a meadow on what used to me my farmland. And people are sitting, awaiting something, and I'm dressed in a fine suit. And then I see Jimin, and he's walking towards me, and then—then he tells me that we're getting married. And when he does, by God, I feel like the happiest man in the world."