The Photoshoot

Chapter 26: Brush it off

Being greeted by the happy sun, cloudless blue fresh sky, and oh thousands upon thousands of hate comments on my twitter page.

You know, the usual.

Its not everyday people insult you on the way you smile, to even which direction you part your hair.

I've never had so many people tell me to die.

Put the gun to my head and count to three. Then, slowly caress your finger over the trigger, your "heaven". I'll do everyone a gracious favor, won't I?

I never knew that people could call me a fat b****, I felt it was my legal name . Somebody who deserves to die, not even worthy of anybody - let alone Nash.

Truthfully speaking, this bites. Lies are being feed to them, and they devour it and believe its for their own good.

I'm the villian, and April's the angel.

She's the damsel in distress and I'm the dragon who imprisoned her in the castle.

How desperate is April? She craves attention. She's feasts on nothing but everybody's opinion and pity.

Pitiful.

Ugh.

I remember last night, I tried the best I could to convince everybody those were faked.

Why would I hurt Nash? He's been so kind and generous to me

Treating me out where all the rich people feast, making me feel special and treasured.

He's my treasure.

But unlike April, I don't need anybody for my happiness.

What's mine is mine.

So I tweeted the following last night before flying into a dreamless slumber.

@LisaaLisaa: Those pictures are faked. Nash has been gone for a few days in North Carolina (even says it on his twitter) and we only became official not too long ago

@LisaaLisaa: Lies all lies. I'm telling the truth, but if you don't believe me then oh well

But that time I was emotionally drained and my eyes could barely keep themselves open.

Nash was busy with everything, so what point was it to bother him.

It was early I'll admit around 10:50ish, but I drifted away from reality by shutting my eyes and letting go.

A dreamless slumber, pitch black and nothing but the sounds of people's unknown voices whispering in my ear.

'Lisaaa' one faintly whispered

'Watch out you're getting a little chunky!' another one giggled sarcastically

'Eww nice teeth' another spit

voices. voices. more voices.

filling my head making me vanish in my own thoughts.

is this a dream?

am I being tormented by my thoughts, inner feelings?

Hateful eyes, heart beating to the speed of a drum, shaking palms, buckling knees, quivering lips.

Voices. Voices. Hate.  Lies. Lies. Lies.

Each one who says their feelings about me, makes me shiver right to the bone, making it vibrate and send tingles through my system.

A wave of shock passes over me, and I arise in a puddle of sweat.

My blanket was on the ground, while I was positioned in a weird way.

My heat ached with pain and fear.

Fear, I'll be despised by so many girls. Girls who can make hate pages, somehow find my number and send threats.

A personal life kept to myself? Forget about it.

Friends family? everyone I love will be hated.

Over thinking makes my head swell up (not really, only in my imagination), and turns my world upside down.

What's happening?

Can you believe all this... this.... choas started by one tweet? One girl? Creating hate accounts, and a hastag called #NoLisa and #FYouLisa

One soul. One girl. One person, created misery and a living hell for me?

What did I do? Learn how to keep a guy going for me?

When she worshipped him? Not my fault.

Why bother checking my phone at all today? I haven't even glanced at my phone at all.

I don't need that. I don't need hate and validation from others. I don't.

The way I smile, my fashion style, my hair and teeth. Is who I am. My qualities. Me. Me.

'It doesn't matter how other people look at you. It matters how you see yourself', I mumbled in my head.

Nobody matters. They're lying and being deceived.

I'm beautiful. I'm strong. I'm fearless. I'm brave....

But the constant haunting voices repeat in my head over and over until I remember every last bit of what people said.

'No. No. No' I shake my head in disbelief.

I am stronger.

This is harder than I thought it would be.

Thousands of remarks. Thousands. Thousands. Hundreds.

I awoke by the sound of Nash's ringtone.

"Baby, check your text," he abruptly hung up

5 unread messages from babe.

Babe: I'm so sorry! This is what I was worried about...

Babe: I cleared things up on my twitter.

Babe: You're gorgeously breathtaking, not in need a of single change.

Babe: Lisa? Bae?

Babe: Lisaaaa?

His sweet regards make me smile freely.

Beautifully. Genuinely. I'm practically glowing, and my worries wash away.

Well not completely. It bothers me a lot, but having support helps me carry the pain like its an honor.

Who cares if I'm not the prettiest or the best girl out there for Nash?

Who cares? Not me.

I am who I am. You can't take that away from me.