big man in town | sabriel

7 | bad news

oh shit a hundred reads already!? thank you so much! sorry for taking awhile to update, for some reason i was just having a hard time with this story. i'm back though :)

***

sam.

i smiled goofily on the way back home. my face was still flushed, i could tell. i just couldn't contain my excitement, i wanted to squeal like a teenage girl. he was so perfect. those uneven lips, the chest hair peeking out of his white button-down... it's like god delivered exactly everything i wanted in a man right at my feet.

i knew there had to be some kind of catch.

i thought back to the way he had that slight dangerous glint in his eyes all the time. like he was doing something wrong. he said he had a lot of things he 'couldn't tell me' and that can't be good, right?

i sighed. what am i getting myself into?

when my apartment came into view, i noticed dean's impala was gone. either he wised up and moved it, or he had left. when i unlocked the door and stepped inside it was evident that the latter was true. i breathed in and basked in the silence. in some ways, i liked being alone. i felt independent on my own. but being alone felt cold. i missed the presence of my family. they were a steady anchor in my life and not having them around made me feel... lost.

i shook the sad thoughts out of my head and set my bags down. today was a good day, i can't let my brain ruin it.

i did dishes to keep my mind off the bad things. instead i thought about gabe. good lord, i am gay. if i wasn't sure before, i am now. he might be some kinda dangerous, but i don't care.

~

i had already come to the conclusion that dean wasn't coming back when he burst through the front door after the sun had set.

i screamed.

"dean!! what the hell!?" i asked, wiping the sleep from my eyes in my barely awaken state.

"sorry..." he burped. "broke the lock." he stumbled into the front room and tripped into the recliner.

"dean, are you gonna tell me why the hell you decided to stay out this late?" i asked, pissed.

"oh you know." i could smell the alcohol on his breath. "just getting my mind off things."

"what kind of things?" i narrowed my eyes at him. he giggled like a school girl.

"all the not good things. like ellen and jo. like adam." he breathed in deeply. i was confused as hell. i knew about ellen and jo... they got burned up in a fire at their restaurant right before i went off to stanford. it was devastating. i can still remember the funeral. but what happened to adam?

"what about adam?" i asked. dean chuckled again.

"he fucking jumped off a bridge. offed himself."

i was shocked to say the very least. adam was our cousin that hung around us all the time. he was just a kid. he always annoyed us when he'd come over and suddenly i felt sick to my stomach at the way i would shoo him away. i sat down on the ground trying to get a hold of myself. dean looked like he was on the verge of passing out. he was very drunk.

"what the hell?" i whispered to myself.

i got dean settled on the recliner before going to the bathroom to get cleaned up for bed myself. i noticed the way some of the tiles on the floor were cracked and how the sink's pipes were exposed. as i splashed water on my face to cool down my quickly rising temperature, several questioned circled through my mind.

why would adam kill himself?

why did nobody tell me?

why did dean seek solace with me of all people?

i could start to piece together at least one of these answers on my own, which helped calm my anxiety a little bit. dean probably showed up at my house because i was the only person close to him that didn't know. he didn't have to deal with bombarding questions about if he was okay. although that doesn't make it fine for him to keep something so important from me. we were both close to adam, i had a right to know.

i sighed and dried my face. i pushed my hair away from my eyes and decided i could use a change. i pulled out the scissors from my medicine cabinet and took a deep breath. i was tired of always having to mess with my hair to keep it out of my face. i took the first snip and i knew there was no going back.

the small room was filled with a chorus of snip, snip, snip as my hair fell into my sink piece by piece. when i was done i grabbed some bobby pins and started training my hair to part in the middle and stay out of my eyes. i was satisfied. maybe this would be the start of a new sam winchester. one that wasn't afraid of stepping out of his comfort zone.

i changed into some pajamas and flopped into my bed. i scrolled mindlessly on my phone for a good half an hour before i received a text.

unknown: hey it's gabe. sorry it's a little late.

i rubbed my eyes and squinted at my phone before turning up the brightness just a bit. to be honest i had almost forgotten that i gave him my number. i smiled, remembering our date today and was glad he wasn't the type to make me wait a few days before talking to him.

me: no problem. how was the rest of your day?

i sent that and laid my phone on my chest, clutching it with one hand and fiddling with one of the bobby pins in my hair with the other. i felt a vibration.

unknown: it was great actually. it was nice to get outta the house for a bit. i went to the park, fed some ducks. how about you?

me: our little date was a lot of fun but unfortunately my day's kinda gone south since then. i won't bore you with the details, but just know getting to text you is a real breath of fresh air.

i sighed and decided to change put his name in my phone. i stared up at the bare white ceiling and waited sleepily for a reply. i felt my chest vibrate again and checked it.

gabe: oh yeah i totally feel you. the WORST THING EVER happened to me today.

me: and what was that?

gabe: i totally forgot to stop and grab chocolate milk on my way home and now i'm out. i hate my life. existence is pain.

me: no offense but i think you might be overreacting.

gabe: how DARE you !
gabe: YOU COME IN MY HOUSE
gabe: DISRESPECT MY MILK

i laughed heartily as messages of a similar caliber continued to flood my inbox. once i could breathe again, i realized i was effectively cheered up. i didn't mention this to gabriel for fear of seeming too sappy.

i yawned and continued talking to gabe for a little while longer before finally being forced to retire to the comforts of sleep. i sent a quick goodnight text and plugged my phone up, welcoming the warm blanket cocoon that surrounded me. i went to sleep happy.