big man in town | sabriel

5 | coming out

sam.

i made the trek back home constantly looking behind my shoulder to make sure i wasn't being followed. i didn't know much about that man or that place but i did know that if someone tells you that you stumbled upon something you shouldn't know about, it traditionally wasn't a good thing. i prayed to a god that i didn't believe in that i wasn't being stalked to my apartment. i even took a few extra turns to try and throw this nonexistent person off, but it became evident after a while that no one saw the strange interaction besides me and mystery man.

i made it back to my apartment building and i could see in the parking lot that dean's car was still there. he was pretty stupid for parking his nice ass car where it was prone to getting vandalized or stolen, but so far it seemed to be fine. i checked my phone and noticed i had only been gone about an hour and a half.

i opened my door slowly, somewhat embarrassed. i definitely overreacted. so what if dean knew i was gay? i can't just keep hiding in the closet forever. if he hates me for it, that's fine. i don't depend on him anymore. i walked into my apartment to find dean shoes off, reclining, beer in hand, watching the lion king on my little tv. i stifled a laugh and coughed to get his attention.

"um, hi dean." i said shyly.

"hey sammy." he switched the television off and turned to face me. "so, i can see you're not comfortable with talking about it. you don't have to worry; i won't bug you with it anymore. we can just pretend it never happened." i smiled at his attempt at an apology but i shook my head.

"no dean, we can't." i sighed and moved to stand in front of him. i thought about what i was about to do and the consequences it might have, but i couldn't seem to care. i had endorphins clouding my brain from the running and i felt invincible. "i'm gay." i didn't bother with the details. short, simple, and to the point. that's how i roll. a nervous lump settled in my chest but i ignored it.

thankfully, my brother's wide smile dissipated that lump almost immediately. his eyes brightened, like he was happy with the news. "sammy, i've known since you were a kid. but thank you for telling me." he stood up and we hugged tightly. i felt safe in his arms and realized i lied to myself earlier. i definitely needed dean in my life; always have. he was a special person. i let a tear slip out of the corner of my eye.

he pulled away, keeping his hands on my shoulders and took a good look at me. he cleared his throat and looked down bashfully and i could tell he had something important to say. "sam." he started, seriously. "i think i might be... bisexual." he sighed heavily.

i narrowed my eyes slightly in disbelief. "wait, really?" i asked, shocked. he chuckled lightly and nodded. i was pleasantly surprised. i never expected dean to be queer. quite the opposite, i expected him to be homophobic. he acted overly masculine and seemed uncomfortable around any kind of men-loving-men homosexuality. wait a second... that's exactly what a closeted queer kid would do. oh, it all makes sense now.

"where have you been for the past couple hours?" he asked.

"i just took a walk around the city to clear my head. i got kinda panicky." i said nervously, leaving out the details of the secret place i'd stumbled upon. he nodded and we continued with our day like normal. we finished the lion king together and i made him some ramen noodles (all i could afford). afterwords i showed him my artwork and he proceeded to get way too excited over it, talking nonstop about how i should already be bob-ross-level famous by now. i didn't even know he knew who bob ross was.

after we had already talked about everything we felt like we needed to talk about, we sat in the front room silently scrolling on our phones and enjoying each other's presence. i got a notification on my phone that immediately made my eyebrows furrow in confusion. someone sent me something on paypal? who? why? but most importantly: how much??? i figured it was just jessica trying to treat me to an early birthday present or something.

i opened up my paypal app and my jaw dropped.

anonymous sent you $500.00!

"dean? was this you?" i held up my phone for him to see and he leaned in closer. once he read it, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

"no way. i love you sammy but $500 is a paycheck for me." i nodded slowly. i kept reading and realized there was a note as well.

"buy some art supplies. it's better not to ask questions, but just know that this isn't a mistake." i felt like crying. what a sweet thing to do for a stranger. i read the note out loud to dean and he whistled.

"sound like you've got yourself a secret admirer." he winked. i scoffed at that. i didn't even know who this person was. they could be a woman. or an elderly person. either way, i was thankful.

after a few more minutes of silent phone scrolling, dean spoke up.

"hey sammy, can i spend the night?" i whipped my head around to give him a confused look.

"of course you can, as long as you're okay with sleeping on the recliner. but is there something you're not telling me?" i asked. he sighed.

"yeah, there is. but i don't wanna talk about it right now. i wanna get away from it for a little while." my face relaxed.

"yeah, i know the feeling." i replied. "stay for as long as you want." he flashed me a half smile and walked out to the impala to get his stuff.

***

hey i just wanted to point out that i have no clue how paypal works i'm just an ignorant 15 year old kid so pls be gentle with me thank you