Zara's Wolf (Book 1 of the Zara's Wolf Trilogy) BWWM

10. Stay Positive

I hate feeling so weak and dependant. Mama never raised me to rely so much on others, but I can’t help it out here. I’m out of my element. I don’t know a thing or two about fending off wild animals or surviving in the wilderness. I’ve never had to study what wild plants are safe to eat and what plants aren’t. Nor have I ever had to hunt or capture small animals, or learn how to skin them and remove their organs, and then cook them over a fire. I don’t even know how to make a fire without a lighter or match!

I’m pathetic, and I can’t stand it.

Cody doesn’t even look at me after that. I don’t know what to make of it. It’s not like I can say, “Hey Cody, what’s wrong? Cat got your tongue?”

He just turns and heads back to the river, leaving me to try and keep up on my own with my twisted ankle.

For some reason, I think it’s me that has him so standoffish all of a sudden. Maybe that’s just me being hard on myself right now, but that’s how it feels to me.

Gritting my teeth, I refuse to admit yet another weakness to hold me back. I want to show him that I am strong, that I can take care of myself, and that I don’t depend on him.

I just need to get my bearings…

I find a long, thick branch in which to put my weight on and hobble after him, but I can’t keep up with him. Try as I might, my movement forward along the creek is much slower than before, and far more painful.

Fifty yards ahead, he finally stops and looks over his shoulder at me expectantly.

“As if I can keep up,” I growl under my breath.

As he waits for me, he takes a long drink from the stream and shakes himself. He still won’t rest his gaze on me, and I find myself growing increasingly infuriated.

What does he expect of me? To magically heal my ankle? To go back in time and stop myself from tripping over that root? I was being threatened by wolves, for god sake! Standing around and waiting for them to attack me isn't my idea of a good time!

Now it’s my turn to avert my eyes from him. Hunger, hurt, frustration, and powerlessness have wrecked me and my mood. What’s more is my head is starting to ache again, and that's never a good sign.

I stop ten yards from him and rest upon a fallen log, clutching my head. It’s probably another hunger-induced headache, but maybe all the stress I have been under with the wolves triggered it? At this point, who knows? It’s probably a combination of causes now.

All I know is that I need food and my migraine medicine, and I need them now.

Cody barks at me, but all I can manage is to lift my head a little to look up and meet his golden gaze.

I hate this. It’s so degrading. I feel like such a disappointment.

If a wolf could look annoyed, I’d say that's the look on his face before his eyes soften. He looks away, and lowers his head to the rippling surface of the creek.

For a moment, he just stands there perfectly still in the water, not moving even a whisker on his muzzle. Then, with lightning-quick reflexes, he lunges forward, his jaws snapping at the water. Water splashes around his head, but when he raises his head, his mouth is empty.

He glances at me briefly before shaking himself free of water. I get the feeling that he’s discouraged at the failure of catching a fish, but he’s trying to play it cool and pretend it didn’t hurt his ego one bit.

There’s a smirk tugging on the corners of my lips, and I lower my head to conceal it from him. You’re no better than I am, Cody.

How ironic it seems that he failed to catch a fish. Some king of the forest, he is.

He is considerably smaller than that other wolf though, I remind myself. Maybe that’s why he’s so thin and scrawny? Maybe he struggles with hunting and isn’t getting enough to eat?

This theory is totally plausible. I haven’t seen him catch anything or eat anything since he joined me in my trek back to the city. That’s not to say that he hasn’t though.

Even if he does catch a fish and bring it back to me, what in the world would I do with it? I don’t know a thing about descaling a fish and gutting it to eat. I would have to do that, wouldn’t I? I don’t want to eat scales and guts.

My stomach turns at the thought of gutting a fish.

I’m not fit to survive out here. Might as well become a vegetarian. At least then I don’t have to worry about blood and guts, and cooking it. Raw veggies are completely safe to eat.

I look up, searching the riverbed for edible plants. Tall grasses, a small patch of cattails, and ferns are all I can see. Are any of those safe to eat?

As I look around me, I realize that Cody has disappeared again. A twinge of fear tugs on my heart. I hope he’ll come back. I’m in no shape now to keep moving forward, and definitely not strong enough to find food for myself.

I shake my head of intruding negative thoughts. I can’t beat myself down here. I need to keep my head and persevere. My parents are back home and looking for me. They need me. They have search teams out and they will find me and bring me home.

Sighing, I pull the knapsack from my back and withdraw the steel water bottle. As I take a drink and return to the river to refill it, I try to fill my head with hopeful and encouraging thoughts. Pessimism is only going to bring me down, not help build me up and get through this.

Still, it’s hard to ignore the dull ache behind my eyes that’s migrating to the back of my head. If I don’t do something about this headache, it’s going to turn into a migraine, and then I’ll be completely immobile.