West of Nothing

31. Chem-Lab

Johnny grimaced. "I am okay now. No more jokes please. Not funny."

HotDamn removed his hands from the biologist's shoulders; he knew when to back off. "So what the hell happened?" he said.

"I send soft matter sample to three labs for analysis. I receive reply that sample is confirmed biological."

"Hot damn! This proves you were right all along. It really is a bug-droid. So what's the problem?"

"Problem is we already know this. While we wait for lab result, we run our own scans. Specimen made of cells with nucleus and DNA. Real mystery, what kind of life it is. Not so hard to classify robots, but life-forms very diverse. There are forty thousand specie of spider alone. Not yet know if even spider, could be chimera."

"Chimera, like a hybrid?" Mason asked.

"That right. Like combine traits of spider and mosquito. Or maybe it new type of creature dreamed up in mind of bio-engineer. Must sequence genome to find out."

"Piece of cake," Doogie said. "DNA sequencers can spit one out in a few minutes. So what's the hold up?"

"This is source of my confoundedness," Johnny said, blushing as he recalled his profane outburst. "Labs say DNA corrupt, say only one base pair in fifty can be read. There is some difficulty in isolation process. Even after use centrifuge, sequencer still not able to read."

"All three labs are having the same problem? Surely, that can't be a coincidence," Skunkworks concluded.

"For sure it cannot," Johnny agreed.

"Any chance the sample got corrupted?" Doogie asked.

"Is possible," said Johnny. "But what corrupt them? We all watch sample being taken."

"Maybe something happened after it left the Bridge," HotDamn suggested. "It had to be cut up into even smaller pieces to be sent out to the labs, right?"

"I can't believe Major Zeus would let his guys fuck that up," Corny said. "He knows what's riding on this."

"Corny is right," Johnny said. "Sub-sampling done in sterile clean room. We follow protocol most carefully. Technicians also best quality. I personally oversee training."

"Maybe it released some of that acid stuff after all," Doogie said.

"That is my thought also, but cannot be right," Johnny said. "Labs say DNA intact with no fragmentation like from corrosive agent. DNA structure sound and base pairs also present."

"Could it be due to methylation? Chromatin binding? Phosphate substitution?" Doogie rattled off several suggestions which Johnny rejected in turn.

"How could ninety nine percent of the X-Bot's genome be malformed?" Corny asked. "How could it even function like that?"

"This is great mystery," Johnny said. "I have no working theory at moment."

There was an uneasy pause. It was uncharacteristic of Johnny, usually a well of confidence and knowledge, to throw in the towel. This turn of events had really shaken him up.

"I'm no geneticist," Skunkworks said. "But the way I see it, there are only two explanations. Either A, the DNA somehow mutilated itself after extraction, maybe as part of a general kill-sequence. Or B, there is something atypical about the X-Bot's DNA. If it's option A, there isn't much we can do about it. Another operation would just produce similar results. But if it's option B, surely there are chemical diagnostics that can tell us what we're dealing with."

"You strike the nail on its head," Johnny said.

"But the labs aren't able to run them?" Skunkworks said.

"That is not exactly situation. Labs have equipment: mass spectrometer, X-ray crystallography machine, electron microscope."

"You're saying they don't want to do it?" HotDamn spoke up. "Tell the bastards they better or Major Zeus will bomb their petri dishes to hell."

"Major not have that much power over commercial laboratory."

"I was being hyperbolic. But explain this to me. Why would they not want to help you? Is the major not slipping enough tooth fairy money under their pillows?"

Johnny shook his head. "If sequencing machine not work, job become very expensive, that is true. But I not believe that is main reason here. Law say government must give fair price. When I run own lab, major always pay invoices on schedule. I believe this come down to matter of reputation."

"Reputation?"

"Labs run by distinguished scientists. They want to make important discoveries for publishing in prestigious journal. We ask them to analyze DNA from unidentified sample. If they find important thing, confidentiality prevent them to make scientific claim or publish work for ten years. Therefore, is not benefitting their career. Why then stick neck out?"

"I see," HotDamn grasped the implications. "They have no idea what you're asking them to analyze, and we can't exactly announce the sample is from a mysterious bug-droid without bringing the full wrath of Zeus down on our heads. Since we're acting on behalf of the government, they probably don't trust us anyway. What about calling in a personal favor? You've got connections, right?"

"I try that already. Appears my reputation not carry big weight with fellow biologists. May even be liability. My recent work is source of controversy. Some accuse me of fostering sensation." Johnny lowered his head in shame. So this was his true failing; he had not been able to convince any of his fellow eminent scientists to take a leap of faith for him.

Skunkworks chuckled. "So your name is dipped in shit."

"Screw 'em," Corny said. "Why not send it to another lab, one that has nothing to lose? Biotech is the hottest thing going right now. Seems like there's a new startup every hour."

"Most startup companies not have equipment or expertness for this task."

"You got that right," Doogie said. "They don't call them fad labs for nothing. Some don't even have real laboratories, just racks of servers running sophisticated software with a token scientist on staff."

"And they would need to be certified for government contracts," Skunkworks pointed out. "Major Zeus has been known to play a little loose with the restrictions but I don't think he'll go so far as to entrust national secrets to a fly-by-night startup."

"What about you?" HotDamn directed the full amperage of his can-do optimism on the Chinese microbiologist.

"Me?" Johnny shifted in his chair. "What are you meaning?"

"Can you do the work? You just said Major Zeus has a state of the art chem-lab right here staffed with technicians you personally trained. We already have the sample obviously."

"I am—how you put it—like nail with much rust. Not perform lab work in many years."

"But with a trained team you could still do it, right?"

"I only oversee training." It was a token objection like the faux resistance he had put up before the ping pong match. All he needed was a final nudge to push him over the edge.

"Who better to do it?" HotDamn said. "You know this stuff. Hell, you could probably do it in your sleep. While riding a unicycle and juggling flaming torches."

The germ of a smile appeared on Johnny's face. "Maybe I give best shot," he said. What the rest of the team heard in that sentence was, "You can count on me."