"I don't know how much longer I can stand it. It's unbearable. Those voices in my head scream louder and louder. They scream my name. They scream their names.
I wonder sometimes if there's anyone else thinking the way I do. Compulsively. I would love to clear my mind and think about basically nothing. But I can't and it hurts. Everything hurts now.
Everytime I try to fall asleep my head hurts. Everytime I try to breathe my lungs burn. Everytime I even blink I see their silhouettes, how they're trying to touch me. They reach their skinny hands to me but they are so far. It seems like only a few steps but in reality it's a big gap.
Will I ever see them again? Will I hear them laugh again? Will my guilt been ever washed away? I know there is no place in heaven for me. Tho I doubt there ever was. I am scared that there is no place for me even in hell.
The Void. Maybe that's the only place I truly belong to. Yes I do. Not them. Me. I should be the one lost in The Void. Oh how I regret everything. This journal is the only thing keeping me from losing my mind. Or have I lost my mind already? I don't know anymore. I don't even feel like a humain being anymore. I hate this caricature of someone who was supposed to be a good brother"
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I'll fly to the moon again
FanfictionThey're gone. I've lost them. I've lost myself as well, because who am I without them? Everybody think I am insane. I don't know how much longer I can keep on living like this. I want to end it, but I have to be strong. For Emerson. For Sebastian. F...
