St. Mary's - B.E (✓)

-18

"Are you kidding me?" I groan, flipping through my textbook "You shouldn't have distracted me,  I have no idea what's going on here"

Billie looks over at my shoulder and hums, flipping backwards a few pages "You were in the wrong unit baby" She chuckles, kissing my temple.

"I knew that" I say,  grabbing Billie by her hips and pulling her onto my lap.  She jumps up,  switching our positions so I was now on her lap.

"I'd rather you sit on my lap" She murmurs, watching me flip through the textbook "I'm not going to be here after study hall, me and Ryantt have stuff to do"

I groan and try to get off Billie's lap, but she holds me tighter so I can't escape. I elbow her in the ribs she and hisses in pain and lets go.

"What the fuck?" Billie whines, rubbing her rib where i'd elbowed her "I don't wanna go either,  but damn.."

I roll my eyes "You had me jumped in to your stupid gang and you still keep everything in the dark. If I had known it'd be like this I wouldn't have done it" I huff, flopping down on Billie's bed.

"Well.." Billie chuckles nervously "It's not that I don't want to tell you,  I just don't think I should yet. We're still ironing out some details"

"Details about what?" I narrow my eyes as Billie tucks her gun into her sweats and puts half her hair into a bun. She looks in the mirror for a second before turning back to me

"You're on a need to know basis, you need to know I'm in a gang,  you don't need to know what I'm doing there. You also don't need to know I'm not going to be there during study hall,  but I'm being nice instead of just disappearing.  But you absolutely don't need to know exactly why I won't be there." She grabs her key and nods towards the door "C'mon"

I stay put. "I'm skipping advisory" I say, grabbing my textbook.

"Quinn, stop being difficult" She sighs "It's not that serious"

"What do you mean it's not that serious? I joined a fucking gang, Billie."

She crosses her arms "Okay? And?" 

"Just get out. I'd rather you just disappear than know you're deliberately hiding things from me.  Again" I say, looking at my textbook though slightly watery eyes. I was beyond frustrated.

Billie hesitates by the door for a moment, and the second I think she might come to console me,  the door clicks shut.

-Billie-

I close the door,  deciding to give Quinley her space. She was upset, and my heart stung a little to know she felt as if I was hiding things just to hide things. I had to protect her.  First from Sabrina, now from myself.

Letting her join in the first place was a mistake. I wasn't thinking right. All I'm doing is stressing her out. I knock on Ryantts door and she comes out, her hair in it's usual fishtail braid. I yank on it a little as she starts to walk ahead of me, and she squeaks,  making me laugh.

"How's the girl?" Ryantt asks, her blue eyes shining "Your white flower"

"Upset" I sigh.  I've been doing that a lot lately "I can't tell her everything,  and she obviously sees it. I don't know how to explain that it's just for her own benefit."

"Sucks" Ryantt says, uninterested "Que's hosting a party, and I already said you're going. You two need to catch up."

I wrinkle my nose "Catch up on what?  Last time I saw him he tried to beat my girlfriend to death"

"Yeah, well." She grabs my wrist,  leading me out of the school building.  I hesitate for a moment, feeling like I should tell Quinn that I'm going out earlier than expected.

"I'd rather you just disappear than know you're deliberately hiding things from me."

Her voice flashes in my mind, and my heart gets that ouch feeling. I keep walking, only half listening to Ryantt's talking. She smacks my arm when she realises I'm not paying attention, but doesn't say anything else.

We get to the house, and the loud ass music does nothing positive for me,  giving me the beginnings of a headache. I walk to the giant speaker and unplug it, and the boys all groan upstairs. I smile a little. Idiots.

"Bil, turn my shit on" Que says from the kitchen. I raise and eyebrow "Come make me" It takes me a moment to to realize I'm flirting unintentionally. Reflexively. I'm so used to being his girl, but I've got somebody else waiting for me back at school. I have to remember that.

"You trying cheat on your girl already? Weren't you just screaming at me for hitting her too hard?"

"You were going to kill her if I hadn't stopped your bitter ass" I chuckle,  rolling a joint "I'm laughing, but I still want to strangle you"

"Y'all should fuck to make up" Ryantt suggests after I take a hit. I cough a little. That was how it went, usually.  Every fight ended with a few orgasms and we were good as new. "Didn't you say he gives really good head?"

"Yeah, but my girl does it better" I tilt my head back, blowing smoke into the air. My body started to relax. I hadn't smoked in a minute,  I hadn't had the time. Between managing a gang full of fucking idiots and a girlfriend who's starting to see me as the bad guy,  I didn't have much time to just sit and think. I couldn't afford to get high. My issues and responsibilities demanded me to be sober.

"I really didn't come here to party" I say, trying not to sound as miserable as I felt "we have to talk. If we fuck this up we could have really serious consequences. If we b-"

"Shut up. We'll all talk later. Who wants shots?" Que says. Ryantt jumps up and walks over to him. I sit on the floor, feeling exhausted. I didn't even notice when he came next to me, shots in hand. I didn't have the energy to say no.

The alcohol burned as it went down. Things felt better after a while. No stress, just movement and energy. 

Que lead me upstairs, and the whole time I kept thinking to myself I had Quinn, not to get confused. But I did. Don't kiss Que turned into don't kiss Quinley. As we had sex, my body felt numb. I knew it was a mistake the moment I felt him start to move inside me, but the familiarity of it, the ease of slipping into an action I'd been doing for so long was too much to fight. Even so, I swore I'd said I didn't want him earlier. My mind was all over the place. I ended up feeling more sad than anything

I felt him cum on my stomach and I stared up into the ceiling. I wanted my girlfriend. And it broke my heart,  knowing I'd have to explain that I went against my promise not to do this to her.

I deserve nothing good,  I thought to myself, feeling my eyelids get heavy.

Nothing.

-Quinley-

When Billie got back,  I nearly suffocated from the smell of weed and alcohol that radiated off of her. She didn't look at me, just collapsed onto her bed and curled her body around her pillow. I got up and sat by her bed,  pushing her slightly damp hair from her forehead.

"Don't touch me" She said softly, moving away from my hand "Just.. Go over there. I'm fine."

I pulled my hand back and went back to my bed, pulling the covers over myself and trying to fall asleep.

After a while, when Billie must've thought I was asleep, I heard her start to cry.

-----

GUys the author of my favorite book (listen before I go- succsuccbillie) reads this I'm like having five heart attacks all at once I-

Also, it's 7:37 AM I have no idea why I'm awake I should go back to sleep tbh

I might update again today we'll see.

I love you all.