Whose Fault? (Editing)

Chapter Twenty

Max chuckled, "that's badass."

I gave him a small laugh before sighing, "why do you believe me? No one does."

"It doesn't take a genius to see that somehow someone hurt you. You've never lied to me; yeah, you haven't told me everything, but you've never lied. There's a difference you know."

"You should hate me," I mumbled.

He probably does. Setting up for the worst betrayal of all.

"I would never. As much as I want to demand answers from you, and should demand them, about what happened, I'm holding myself back. Everyone deserves love, and care, and compassion. Everyone deserves that chance."

I thought about that for a minute. He was right; everyone deserves compassion and to be cared for. Everyone deserves love. And they deserve to do those things in return. I scooted myself out of his lap, stood up and spoke the most I had to anyone since things turned to shit, "you're right. Everyone deserves that. And I have SO much of it to give. Just because it's a little harder to pull out of me, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. I've got so much compassion... so much love to give that it's crazy! Thank you for helping me with my decision, Max."

It was quiet for a minute and I could see the confusion written all over his face. "I'm keeping the baby. Yes, it's terrifying and it will be difficult. But like we've said. Everyone deserves love, care, and compassion and I've got a lot of it. Despite everything. I've still got it. I'm going to show this child how loved and cared for they are. I'm going to give them the love and care and compassion that wasn't shown to me after dad died. Because that's what they deserve. They deserve the chance of a life like that, one that I've never had."

~~~

Max and I got in the car and drove our way to the doctor's office. I was extremely anxious and Max was doing his best to keep me as calm as possible.

What if they ask about sexual history or the last time I had sex while Max is in the room? What if he gets mad and starts saying he's gonna kill Eli again? Worse, what if he figures it out?

This was a mistake.

No, it wasn't. It will be worth it. The baby will make this worth it.

When we got there, I checked in and sat down with Max. I filled out some forms while waiting to be called back. It was only about five minutes before I was but it was enough time to finish with the forms and to keep my mind occupied. I grabbed on to Max's arm as we walked back. The anxiety kicking back up worse than before.

The doctor asked me several questions, only one I was unable to answer. There were so many steps to this visit that I didn't realize were going to happen. The doctor did what seemed like a regular checkup that you would get at any regular doctor's appointment, as well as blood work, and other exams that made me kind of uncomfortable. She explained everything she was doing and why very well, so every time I started to worry it simmered down quickly.

Max was also a big help too. I forced him to stay throughout the whole thing because I didn't want to be left alone. And even though I could tell he was getting restless at some points, he stayed with me. He most likely thought that I was more distressed than he was.

The last thing they did was an ultrasound which was A LOT different from what I thought it would be from a first time. But either way, I got to see my little bean sized baby and hear their extremely soft heartbeat. As we wrapped up, my doctor informed me that I was a little bit more than nine weeks along and that I should make another appointment set in a months' time before I left.