Unconditional

Chapter 1 Wedding Anxiety

Every girl dreams of their wedding day. The day they give their heart away, in hopes that it will be taken and loved in a way that is far more amazing than they could have ever dreamed. Though my day has not yet arrived, it is quickly yet agonizingly slowly approaching. I grow more and more anxious with every passing day. Mother says it isn’t good for me to be worried. Like somehow worrying will make things worse. The only thing that worries me is that when the day arrives, it will arrive…without me…

It's late August, my wedding day is set for October 10…two months away. Can I hold on for two months? I’ve fought for two years; I think I can fight for at least two more months. But what about after? That part doesn’t just worry me. It worries him too.

This wasn’t my idea. He asked me, I didn’t ask him. However, I gladly accepted. After reassuring everyone that I was not pregnant and that the reason for an early marriage was…understandable considering the circumstances..

We’ve found a place for the wedding, the backyard of my family's vacation house in upstate New York, it was my parents’ idea but after Justin and I talked it over I agreed. It’ll be my parents dream; a big fancy fall wedding in the backyard. Don’t get me wrong, I love the fall wedding in the backyard, but my parents are going to go above and beyond to make sure everyone they know is at this wedding. The majority of the guest list is my parents friends, only a small number of the guests are people Justin and I have invited. Of course there’s Justin’s best man, Asher, and a few of his other friends; and my maid of honor, Emilee, and some of my friends. And after some debating with my father my mother I finally got them to invite my doctor, Doctor Mapstone. The one thing we haven’t done is the dress; do to my sudden rapid weight loss.

“Hey beautiful.” Justin’s voice chimes from the doorway of my bedroom.

I sleepily look at him and smile, “Hey, baby.”

“You okay?” Justin asks as he sits down beside me on my bed.

“Yeah, I was just lying down for a little bit, some of the new medicine Doctor Mapstone put me on is making me tired.” I say as I prop myself up on my elbows.

I see Justin’s hazel eyes glance to my night stand.

“Do I need to get your ring resized again?” He asks, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

I look over at my stunning sterling silver engagement ring with its four carrot blue diamond and carefully pick it up.               

“No,” I smile, “Doctor Mapstone said the new medicine should stop the weight loss and increase my appetite.”

Justin smiles and leans down to kiss me, making my heart skip a beat.

“Good.” He says sliding the size six ring onto my skinny finger. I watch as it turns loosely; the weight of the diamond making the ring top heavy as gravity pulls it down. It’s silent for a few minutes. “Jess, Emilee told me…” Justin trails off.

I look up at him my nerves on edge, and my eyes wide. I wasn't ready to tell him yet, and I knew what he was talking about.

“About the…treatment…”

A single tear escapes from my eye and travels down my cheek, making my nose runny and me sniffle. At my last doctor’s appointment, Doctor Mapstone told me that I went from stage three to stage four and that we may have to start doing chemotherapy. I wasn't shocked. It was something that I was lucky enough to go so long without, until now. Justin reaches his hand out and runs his fingers through my long loosely curled blonde hair.

“You’d look beautiful with or without your hair.” He says and kisses my forehead.

“That’s easy for you to say! You have the option to keep yours!” I whine.

Justin gives me a smile, like a laugh without the sound. One of the many things that I loved about Justin. His smile, it’s contagious. His tan skin makes his smile glow even more and make his hazel eyes stand out beautifully.

“Are you still tired?” Justin asks.

I yawn in response.

“So am I.” Justin says, moving beside me in my bed and wrapping his arms delicately around my thin body.

I rest my head on his arm. The warmth of him radiating over my body, his heavy breathing comforts me, the smell of spices from his cologne fill my nose and I try to memorize it more than I already do. One upside to….. Is I savor life’s small moments more now.

I wasn’t ready to tell Justin about the chemotherapy. I told Emilee because she was my best friend… my strange rebellious best friend. Note to self, kill Emilee tomorrow.