no mercy fic

13

HYUNGWON

late march. it was a time when the cold winter started to wither away, leaving the days warmer. 

hyungwon was always one to get cold easily. he hated the winters and it was just unfortunate that he happened to be a winter baby.

the group had finished filming for their music video but the directors of starship had told them that it would take time until they would officially debut. that 'time' wasn't specified and while all the members tried to play it cool, it unnerved them.

until the moment they debuted, they were still trainees and that unsettled them.

maybe even more so for hyungwon. 

whilst he had received lots of love calls from modelling and drama companies, he also received hate too.

"just go on with your modelling and LEAVE THE GROUP FOR SOMEONE MORE TALENTED"

"just leave and stop wasting our time, you aren't an idol after all"

"the eliminated ones were better than him..."

hyungwon closed his eyes as he willed himself to stop thinking of all the hate comments.

sure, he got love calls often but he was always scared that accepting them would make his members and fans think he wasn't fit to be an idol.

maybe it was because of those thoughts, he always pushed himself to be the best he could be. to prove to others and to prove to himself, that he was indeed, fit to be an idol.

maybe it was because of those thoughts that he hated those that had it easy. to hyungwon that's how it seemed for changkyun. that boy had it easy.

he came in the middle of a survival program and to many it seemed that meant a guaranteed spot in the final group.

another thing hyungwon hated was when people had no manners and to hyungwon, changkyun who always had his head down and mouth shut, changkyun had no manners.

it would be a lie to say that hyungwon hadn't tried to think of what it would be like to accept the younger boy, but it just never appealed to the taller boy.

while hyungwon always seemed to be cold to the younger, to hyungwon it had come to be an undeniable fact that changkyun was hardworking.

and maybe that was why he didn't say much when he saw both kihyun and wonho looking after the youngest.

he saw for himself how weak the youngest was feeling and he saw for himself the strong stage presence that the younger had shown when in front of the camera.

that still didn't mean hyungwon was ready to fully accept him though. it just didn't feel right yet. it felt so awkward to suddenly say 'hey, i welcome you now' after weeks of hostility. it just didn't make hyungwon feel good. 

he knew he was being a coward and doing something he wasn't proud of, but he just couldn't find the courage to step out of his comfort zone... not yet.