A Heaven for Toasters

CHAPTER 1: Partners

He walked by, leaving me to stare in disbelief at his perfect figure. My eyes unconsciously scanned him from his wide shoulders downward.

"Yummy, right?" Mary giggled in my head.

My gaze jumped back to my desk. "Stop it," I hissed, feeling my cheeks heat.

Mary held herself responsible for the well-being of all detectives. Unfortunately, this included our love lives. Just like my Aunt Lucy.

"Anyway," I scolded her, "isn't it a bit offensive calling him a toaster? You're a piece of software yourself. Shouldn't you AI-types stick together? Don't you have a Bro Code or something?"

"It's what all the cool AIs call the androids," Mary said in indignation. "Besides, I may be a piece of software but I'm indispensable to this precinct, aren't I?"

I wasn't sure if the question was rhetorical or not, but I knew better than to ignore her. "You sure are, Mary. Don't know what we'd do without you." I glanced at the time again. "Listen, I gotta go." I lifted my finger to my temple to disconnect her.

"Wait," she hasted to add. "I still haven't told you the news. The toaster? That's Leo. It's short for his acronym—Artificial Life Law Enforcement Officer. And he's your new partner. Captain's briefing him as we speak." Mary's voice was triumphant, like a magician who had just pulled an ace of hearts out of your nostril.

I jumped up from my chair. "What?" I cried out loud.

"Yep. Orders from above. He's here to stay." She giggled. "With you."

Heat rose to my cheeks again. "That's crazy. A digital assistant like you is fine, but don't they remember what happened last time they paired cops with robots?"

"He's an android, not a robot."

I placed my palms on the desk and leaned forward, glaring at the air before me like it had somehow offended me with its transparency. "Same difference."

"Not really. Robots are metallic, androids are mostly flesh. Also, their brains are completely—"

"I don't care," I yelled. I caught myself a nanosecond before slamming the desk. I stared at the captain's window. He was casting me a worried look, half-scared, half-apologetic.

The toaster, or Leo, or whatever his name was, was standing beside him, his head slightly tilted as he studied me. His gaze met mine. He raised his hand in a silent greeting.

I speared him with my glare. "There's no way I'm partnering up with that thing, Mary," I growled. "I'm not getting killed just because some crazy baichi wants to play Doctor Frankenstein."

"Not much you can do," Mary said in the inimitable tone of a secretary filing her nails, her feet up on her desk.

"I'm talking to the captain. He's got to stop this."

"I told you. Orders came from above. Captain doesn't like it any more than you do. He still has to obey."

"Ta ma de!" I slammed the desk before sitting down. "This isn't over. I'll hand in—"

"Listen, honey," Mary interrupted me. "Before you do anything stupid, why don't you go home, get some rest? You can deal with this tomorrow."

"Tomorrow's a Sunday," I muttered. "I'm going out with Richard." The thought only cheered me up a notch.

Ever since her arrival, Mary had been trying to set me up with someone—anyone, really. After refusing for months, I had recently given in to her constant pestering. For some mysterious reason, she had decided on Richard, an art history professor in his late forties. We had only gone out on two dates, both pretty meh. Mary might be indispensable when assisting with an investigation, but it was increasingly clear that her matchmaking algorithm was in urgent need of an upgrade.

"You two look so lovely together," Mary cooed. "You're a thirty-year-old beautiful woman with a face that could inspire a poet and the kind of body that would make him forget all his fancy words. And Richard's so tall and blond and handsome—why, your children would look amazing."

I choked and coughed to clear my throat. For an AI who could find a straw needle in a haystack of data, Mary could be surprisingly slow to pick up on some things. Anything related to love matters, for instance.

In fact, tomorrow was Richard's last chance before I ditched him—and even this date was mainly for Mary's sake. I dodged the issue by sticking to facts. "He's taking me to the Greek islands for the day."

"Oh, how exciting!" Had she hands, I'm sure Mary would be clapping with glee.

"Yeah, well, we'll see how that goes." An enthusiastic tone conspicuously failed to materialize in my voice.

"You go and have a good time," she said with an exaggerated sigh. "I'll be here, should you need anything. I'm just a piece of software, after all."

Like I said, Mary had the personality of my Aunt Lucy,including her love of guilt trips. A day in Greece was starting to sound prettygood, even if it was with Richard.