Alps ✰ Ethma

TWENTY FOUR

Ethan Pov.

Emma didn't move under the touch of my lips against hers, she stayed still. Fuck, I screwed up didn't I? I pulled away from her frozen form & looked down at the pure white sheets, bringing a hand up to awkwardly scratch the back of my neck. I shouldn't have done that, she obviously doesn't feel the same. But what do I want her to feel? What do I feel? I don't fucking know. Unintentional tears pricked the corners of my eyes. I held my breath, not wanting to let out any noticeable signs of sadness. Emma hadn't moved, hadn't continued crying, just stayed in the same position she was before I fucked it up. The room was so silent that you could hear a pin drop over the low humming of the medical machines. "Sorry, I-I shouldn't have...I uh.." I apologized & trailed off as a single tear rolled down my cheek, falling onto the sheet & leaving a small drop of wetness there. I bit the inside of my cheek. "I'm s-sorry." I said with a slight voice crack, willing myself not to let anymore tears escape. I would not fucking cry. Guys don't cry.

Suddenly I felt hands on my cheeks & my face was pulled up as a pair of lips pressed against mine sweetly. Something in my stomach flipped, making me smile against Emma's lips. I immediately kissed back & moved my lips against hers, tasting the saltiness of tears on her warm ones. I brought my hand up to gently cradle the back of her neck as she tilted her head in order to deepen the kiss. She pulled away after a moment to catch her breath & I leaned back, inhaling as well as I opened my eyes to look at her. Her breathing was still a little choppy & contained a few hiccups as she tried to calm down. "Why?" She suddenly asked & my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "Why'd you do that?" She asked again & I tilted my head at her. "Do what? Kiss you?" I questioned, confusion lacing my voice. "Yes. Why'd you do it? Was it just to calm me down or because you actually like me?" She questioned further, seeming a little defensive. I did it to calm her down. Right? "To calm you down." I answered & she gave me a blank stare before shaking her head, climbing off of the clean bed & onto the tinted floor. "I knew it." She mumbled as she walked towards the doorway & my eyebrows knitted together in confusion as I stood up from the bed as well. "What're you doing?" I asked & she whipped around to look at me with tears forming in her eyes. "Leaving. You only kissed me to calm me down?" She questioned, her voice watering. I nodded slowly & she scoffed while wiping her eyes. "What's wrong?" I asked, stepping forward as she sniffled. "Ethan are you really that fucking stupid?! I like you-I I'm in love with you retard! And you only kissed me to calm me down. Guess the kiss felt different for you and I." She explained as another tear rolled down her cheek but it was quickly chased away by the back of her hand. My heart stopped. She's in love with me? Why-how...? I shook my head slowly, trying to get a grip on reality.

"Emma...." I trailed off, not being able to find the words I wanted to say. Emma just shook her head at me & turned to leave but I sprinted forward, grabbing onto her small wrist gently. She tugged against my grip & turned around to face me as she tried to pull away. "Ethan let me go!" She exclaimed & I shook my head, grabbing her shoulders & pulling her fully against me. She thrashed around in my hold. I reached my hand up to cup her cheek & she flinched away harshly while shutting her eyes. "N-no please don't hit me! I'm sorry I'll never go around you agai-" She started to ramble out while letting out a small noise of fear & my eyebrows furrowed as I gently placed my hand on her cheek. She was still scared of me whether she admitted it or not. "Emma I'm not gonna hit you, never again. I promise." I stated & she flinched a tiny bit but slowly opened her eyes to look at me. Here goes fucking nothing. "Look I-I don't exactly know my feelings right now I-uh whenever I was in a relationship it would just be a girl and I basically being fuck buddies," I started & her eyes seemed to dull even more, "but with uhm-with you it's d-different. Jesus, I don't fucking know...there's just something about you and I don't-I don't know what the fuck it is." She continued to stare at me with an unreadable expression & I sighed, dragging a hand through my messed up hair. "What i'm trying to say is that I've never had actual feelings for somebody, so I don't know what that feels like." I stated & her eyes squinted a little while she stared off into space, processing the information I had given her. I don't blame her if she's confused, I'm confused myself.