"Cachi is going to stay here for a little while."
I was just looking at Mama while she was mixing some pancakes on the bowl. My twin sister Xhante was helping her. She seemed to be really intrigued on how Mama cooks her delicious chocolate chip pancake.
"Why?" I asked her.
"What do you mean why?" She looked at me. Kumunot ang noo ni Mama habang nakatingin sa akin. With that kind of look alam kong kailangan kong kabahan.
"Ma, she hates us."
"She doesn't. Cachi is nice." Mama smiled again.
"She's not. She hates Ate Ada. She's only nice when Kuya Rom and Rem are looking but when they're not, she's mean to Ada, and Xhante too."
"She's not mean." Xhante said. "Mama said that Cachi is just sad because she lost her Mama in an early age. Her other sisters are great! My favorite si Ate Anna Fatima, she's sporty!"
"Yes, she's nice but Catherine Luisa isn't." I made a face. "Remember when we were twelve, nilunod ka niya sa pool tapos siya pa iyong umiyak?"
"That was so long ago. Mama said we have to forgive people who wronged us because at some point in their lives, they don't mean it."
"That's right, Xhan, very good."
I just shook my head.
"I'll be heading out, Ma. May basket ball practice ako."
"Umuwi ka kaagad. It's your dad's birthday and we're gonna surprise him. You should be here."
"I know, Ma. Love you. I'll go now."
As I leave, naiisip ko iyong sinasabi ni Mama kay Xhan at sa akin. I feel like it's unfair for our family. Iyong kasing Mama nI Catherine Luisa, kaibigan siya ng Papa ko. As I understand it, she was his best friend and then she died. Ang alam ko, ibinilin niya kay Papa ang mga anak niya – it's okay, if they don't have a father, but they do, so I really think it's unfair.
Mama said they owe something to Catherine Luisa's mom – I don't know about that – but I still think that it is unfair.
Nang makalabas ako ng bahay ay ang siyang pagdating ni Kuya Rem at Rom. Kuya Rem is now working side by side with Papa in the airlines, si Kuya Rom, artist type siya. I stood near the gate, mula roon ay lumabas ang pinakamalditang babaeng kilala ko.
"Saan punta mo, bunso?" Kuya Rem asked me. Nakipag-appear ako sa kanilang dalawa. Tiningnan ko lang si Catherine Luisa.
"Hi." I greeted him. Hindi niya ako pinansin.
"Kuya, lika na, baka nandyan na si Papa Kairos." She smiled. I don't get why she keeps calling my dad Papa. Buhay pa naman si Daddy Luis. I just rolled my eyes.
xxxx
"Bakit ka umiiyak?" I asked Xhante. She was whimpering in a silent way. Pulang – pula iyong pisngi niya. Sa kanilang dalawa ni Ate Ada, si Xhante ang talagang kamukha ni Mama. "Bakit ka nga umiiyak?"
"Wala. Napuwing ako."
Matapos iyon ay tumakbo na siya.
"Xhan!" I called her. Napaisip ako sa kung anong nangyari sa kakambal ko. Naisip kong pumasok sa kwarto niya. Madilim, so I turned the lights on and in her bed I saw her drawings crumpled. Sira – sira ang mga canvases niya, nakatapon sa sahig ang mga pintura niya. Iyong portrait ni Ate Ada na ireregalo sana niya sa birthday nito ay napuno ng itim na pintura.
That's why she's crying. Lumabas ako para sundan si Xhante at tanungin kung anong nangyari pero bago ako makababa, napasilip ako sa bathroom sa second floor, nakita ko roon si Catherine Luisa na naghuhugas ng kamay. May mantsa ng itim na paint iyong damit niya. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko. Palabas na siya nang makita niya ako.
"What have you done?" I hissed at her.
"I did nothing." She answered me. Sa inis ko ay hinablot ko ang braso niya.
"Pupunta ka dito tapos aawayin mo ang mga kapatid ko!"
"Hindi ko sila inaaway!"
"Oh cut the crap, Catherine Luisa! Hindi ka mabait, you hate us! You hate my sisters! You even hate my mom despite of all the good things she did for you and your sisters!"
Itinulak niya ako.
"Your mom is a bitch! Yes I hate her! I hate Ada and Xhante but I hate you more!"
"Because I am able to see your true colors huh?! My mom isn't a bitch! If she is, then what the fuck are you doing here?!"
Hindi siya nakasagot. Nagulat ako nang bigla siyang umiyak nang malakas. Nagbabaan tuloy si Mama at Papa kasama si Kuya Rem at Ate.
"Mama Mary, sinisigawan ako nI Xavier!" She sobbed.
"Xavi, what happened?" Papa asked.
"Sinira niya iyong paintings ni Xhante. Kaya ko siya sinisigawan."
"That's not true! Wala naman po akong ginagawa, Mama." She looked at my mom.
"Oh yeah?! Then we better go check the CCTV in Xhante's room, then."
Bigla siyang namutla.
xxxx
"And don't you think you're being unfair to Xhante?"
Xavier asked me. I couldn't see his face for it was dark. We were trapped in thr basement. It was my fault. I really wanted to trap Xhante here and make her cru because earlier, I saw Mama Mary doing her hair and I got upset because I never experienced that. I wanted to know how that feels. Mama Mary smelled like cookies and vanilla today and I wondered if my Mama ever smelled like that.
"But how come she gets to experience all these things and not me?" I wiped my tears. "Xhante and Ada are wanted. My Dad can't even look at me in the eye. I am a big reminder of my mother. When he looks at me he gets hurt. Then there's Papa Kairos... he looks at Ada and Xhante like they are his world. I have no one, Xavier. Pahiram lang si Papa Kairos sa akin. Si Mama Mary, she's nice but I want to hate her. I keep telling myself that she's a bitch when in fact all I want is for her to look at me the way she looks at Xhante. I want a Mommy. A real one. A warm cookie smelling mommy. I don't have that in boarding school."
I wiped my tears again. I started hitting my head, pulling my hair and biting my lip.
"Ang malas -malas ko. I spent the last three Christmas alone in my room in the boarding school. I didn't come home because I don't want to ruin Christmas for Dad. I told him that I'm staying with a friend in New York but I cried the whole Christmas eve. Ang malas malas ko." Inuntog ko iyong sarili ko sa pader.
"Hey! Stop hurting yourself."
Xavier took my hand.
"Stop it." He said.
"Malas naman ako. Mommy died so early. If she didn't die, things will be different. I will have my own Mommy. Daddy won't stop loving me. Hindi ako mag-iisa."
"Hindi ka mag-isa. Nandito ako. I mean kami ng family ko. Mama can do your hair. You just have to ask. She would love that."
I wiped my teard again.
"I don't want to go back to the boarding school."
"Then don't..."
"But if that happens.... Daddy will never love me."
"He loves you..."
I shook my head.
"Malas ako." I sobbed. Inuntog ko sarili ko habang umiiyak. Xavi pulled me closer and cupped my face. My eyes widened when he suddenly kissed my lips.
Napasinghap ako.
xxxx
"Where have you been?!"
Hindi pa ako nakakapasok sa bahay ay sinigawan na kaagad ako ni Papa. I just got back from my three months vacation in Los Angeles. Alam ko naman kung bakit siya nagagalit. Three months ago, nag -graduate ako ng college. I was the Cum Laude but I decided not to attened but instead I flew to Los Angeles for Cat's graduation. Wala siyang honors pero sinamahan ko siya. Her dad couldn't make it. Marami daw itong gagawin.
"I know you're mad, Papa..."
"I am not mad. I am waiting for your explanation. What did you do?!"
"Pa... just listen." I said.
"Oh I am listening Xavier Rouvin."
"Kairos calm down. Wag mong sigawan si Xavi." Mama spoke. She was standing beside Papa. She was smiling at me.
"Hindi nga ako galit okay. Now Xavi, talk!"
"Ma, Pa... I got Catherine Luisa pregnant."
My parents just looked at me. Papa's jaw dropped. Mama... well...
"What the actual fuck Xavier?!"
Mama cursed.
xxxx
"We didn't know you're here, Cachi. Anong meron? Bakit hindi ka nagsabi? I thought you're in New York."
I sat there looking at my brothers. More and more, lalo silang nagiging magkamukha. They were always telling me stories about Mom and I am grateful for that. They gave me her pictures, I have that in my closet and whenever I feel sad, I look at it but the pain is still just too much.
"Where are the other girls?" Kuya Rom asked nme. "CL, are you alright? You keep looking like that, you're scaring Remus."
"I am not scared. I am worried. What happened? Why are you in this hotel? Kailan ka dumating? Bakit hindi ka nagpasabi? How's Dad?"
"I don't know about Dad..." I whispered. "But I have news." I smiled.
"Did you try hurting yourself?" Rem ask.
"Don't ask her that?! Baby, I know you're not going to do that anymore, right? Kuya Rom loves you. Sabi ko sa'yo, sumama ka na sa akin sa Thailand. We'll live a beach life." He took my hand.
"I'm okay. I have news, by the way."
"Okay, what about?" Rem looked at me. I swallowed hard. I took a deep breath.
"Remus, Romulus..." I breathed out. "I'm pregnant. Two months pregnant." I smiled/
Their mouths both parted. Then, Kuya Rom started crying.
"Oh, don't cry!" I exclaimed.
"Rem, she's pregnant! Some fuck got her pregnant! I am going to kill that fucker!"
"Who's the father..."
I bit my lower lip.
"Well... I... I... uhm... I..." I swallowed. Nagulat rin ako nang bumukas ng pinto and from there, Mama Mary entered. Agad niya akong nilapitan para yakapin.
"Ma, what are you doing here?" Rom asked. She looked as if she's crying.
"Are you alright? Is the baby okay? Are you craving for anything? Do you need something?"
"Mama Mary..." Rem said. "You know?"
"Yes, Xavi told me already..."
My eyes widened. Matalino ang mga kapatid ko. Maybe they have figured it out. They looked at Xavi who just got in.
"You!" Rom exclaimed.
"You?!" Rem hissed. Itinaas ni Xavi ang kamay niya.
"I can explain!"
"You better get here!" Rom shouted.
"Kuya..."
Napasigaw ako nang habulin nila si Xavi! Nagmadali akong sundan sila. Nasalubong pa nila si Papa Kairos sa hallway pero hindi naman sila tumigil. I looked at Mama Mary.
"I'm sorry..."
"Oh, you don't have to be... Magpapa-check up ka bukas. Sasamahan ka namin ni Kairos. We are all here for you. Tinawagan na rin namin si Luis."
