Get in Me Swamp - Shrek x Reader KiriBaku AU(Lemon)

chapter one - out to kill

"Y/N, wake up! come on, it's time to go!" called a familiar voice. it was your best friend and leader, Lord Farquaad.

you rubbed your eyes tiredly and sat up in bed. "the fuck you want, wrinkly little shit?" you snapped at the midget Lord as you made your way up.

Lord Farquaad looked taken aback by this. "you shall not talk to me in that way, Lord Midoriya! or should i just call you Y/N?" he crossed his arms and stuck his tiny little nose in the air like some butthurt British dude or something.

"ugh, whatever. whaddya want, shitbag?" you groaned, staring down at his snobby little rectangle of a face.

"i want you, the best of my knights, to murder Katsuki Bakugo!" the little midget said with a challenging tone. hell, he even raised his little fist in the air as he spoke.

you scratched the back of your neck in a very unamused way. "Katsuki Baku-who now? never heard of 'em."

Farquaad rolled his eyes. "one of my best knights has never heard of the treacherous ogre Katsuki Bakugo?!" he suddenly looked surprised as he spoke. "he is a horrible creature living on my land that uses his explosion quirk to ward away the villagers! i need you to go make quick work of him!" he made a gesture to wave you away.

you glared down at him with a disbelieving look. "you want me, Lord Y/N Midoriya, to go kill Katsuki Bakugo?"

he nodded. "go, now! you're the only one that can do it now that i've given you one for all!" he repeated the hand gesture, waving you away toward the door. 

with a roll of your eyes, you hopped out of the bed, knocking the tiny Lord Farquaad to the ground. "whatever, pissy bitch. seeya in a few with the dead body of Katsuckmydick Bitchkugo." you swayed out of the room with a walk of confidence, much like a basic 'not like other girls' white bitch.

after a few minutes, you were out of your quarters and in the little knight's room getting changed into your hero costume. you had recently mastered one for all full cowl and shoot style, which gave you great confidence in the fact that you could make quick work of this evil ogre.

once you finished, you hopped on your noble steed, Denki Kaminari.

"yeehaw, motherfuckers! pikachu's gonna take you for one hell of a ride!" he shouted before rearing onto his hind legs and shooting off into the sunset.

after what felt like hours of riding Kaminari into the somehow never-ending sunset, the two of you reached an area where a strong, musky scent of swamp water could be smelled and a small shack within a swamp could be seen in the distance. on top of this, you heard a deep, attractive voice singing Renai Circulation. 

"Denki! fucking stop, you fatass piece of shit!" you shrieked at your donkey.

upon hearing that, he came to a quick stop, making lightning bolts spark up from the mud beneath his moldy hooves.

you stuck your nose in the air and sniffed. a strong scent of mud and nitroglycerin (a/n: nitroglycerin smells like caramel) suddenly filled the air around you, filling your nose with the disgustingly sweet scent. "go back to Farquaad. i'll take it from here," you said as you began to dismount Donki Kaminari.

"g'luck, cuntwad!" Kaminari called before rearing back and yeeting off, leaving you alone standing in the caramel-scented mud.

suddenly the forest seemed much more eerie than it had before. now, the deep, sexy voice you heard angrily humming Renai Circulation seemed more ominous than sexy. the mud beneath your feet seemed to be swallowing you whole and the trees seemed like giants compared to your puny little twink ass.

you took a deep breath and unsheathed your sword as you began to move closer to the shack and the caramel scent. the humming got louder as you got closer. your signature red boots squelched in the mud as you walked, and you couldn't help but think it might've been dampened by Bakugo's pee.. or even worse, his cum.

as you neared the shack, your body almost wanted to shut down. you were overthrown with anxiety and you could barely stand, but your legs seemed to control themselves as you made your way through the mud and into the swamp of Katsuki Bakugo.

suddenly, you heard the similar deep voice shout "DIE!", making you whip around towards the noise. you got into your familiar sword-holding stance, prepared to attack whoever shouted out, praying that the ogre wouldn't blow you up first.

there was a loud rustle in a nearby bush and suddenly a person jumped out of the bushes with sparks flying from his hands. he had spiky, platinum blonde hair, enticing red eyes, and he looked to be about eighteen years old (a/n: gotta make it legal guys). 

he landed in front of you, thrusting a spark-filled, smoky hand into your face while screaming, "SHINE!"

you yelped and quickly stumbled back. your face was bright red when you saw him; damn was he attractive!

but that was when you remembered what Lord Farquaad had told you; "he is a horrible creature living on my land that uses his explosion quirk to ward away the villagers! i need you to go make quick work of him!". explosion quirk? wait...

he started to stomp towards you, his hands making bigger explosions as he did. "what the fuck? how did you dodge that?" he snapped with a demanding tone. 

you stood still, frozen in your spot. it was like the mud had turned to glue, keeping your shoes stuck to the ground. he was so hot! this couldn't be the evil ogre, could it..?

"why won't you answer me, piece of shit?" he shouted. you didn't realize, but his nose was just barely an inch away from yours. his lips, they were so... no, how could you think that?!

you finally gained your composure, giving yourself a little jerk back into reality. your hands gripped the hilt of your sword so tight that your knuckles began to turn white. "i-i am... i-i'm L-Lord... Y/N M-Midoriya- a-and i was- i-i was s-sent to.. t-to...." you took a gulp. why couldn't you speak? for some reason your throat was all choke up and you could barely get any words out.

"yeah? the fuck you wanna say? just get it out, shitwad!" he snapped, his crimson glare staring you down as he waited for you to speak.

you gulped again. you have to do it, you have to kill this... ogre! 

"i was.. i-i was sent to kill the evil ogre, Katsuki Bakugo!" thrusting your sword out in front of you, you faked a confident expression. "would you happen to know this ogre, my kind sir?"

he chuckled softly. he extinguished the explosions before putting a smirk on his face; fuck! why did he have to be so fucking gorgeous?

"ogre, huh? they told you i'm an ogre?" he began to stride closer to you, making you instinctively walk backwards as he did. 

 he did that insanely sexy chuckle again and stopped, crossing his arms behind his back. his grin was evilly seductive. "do i look like an ogre to you?"

you made a little squeak. "e-er.. n-no-" you managed to stutter out.

he put his fingers to his chin hit or miss girl style. "hmm... is that so?"

you gave a quick little nod, sweating a bit as you stared up into his eyes.

suddenly, he loosened up his pose and smiled at you.

"Lord Y/N, sir. why don't you come by and visit my house?"