A Bad Past, With a Promising Future: Lapidot

5. Understanding

(Lapis POV)

I inhaled deeply. I hadn't discussed this in so long... Not even with myself it was such a difficult subject. So painful. So many memories.

"What is it Lapis? I won't be upset...you're everything to me." Peridot said, looking deep into my now pain stricken eyes.

"My war PTSD isn't just do to see a dead body...it's due to seeing her dead body." I folded my hands in my lap, my voice laced with regret and pain. But also I was cold, and angry. Peridot looked at me, her eyes like saucers, she nodded, signaling for me to continue.

"Jenny Kofi, was her name." As I spoke, images of her beautiful smile popped into my head, her hair, her perfect black skin, and the golden hoops that she had always refused to take off.

"Jenny...Jenny was my first girlfriend. We were best friends when we first met in training. Staying up late, just talking, helping eachother. We stayed that way until friendship slowly developed into more..." I clenched my fists, "We knew we shouldn't be together. We were it the army! We couldn't have picked worse people to be with. And we knew that. But it didn't matter. We had eachother. Nothing could hurt us. As long as we were together." At least that's what we told eachother. But it was a lie. A painful, almost destined to be broken.

Peridot kept her eyes on me, when unexpected to see jealous or hurt, all I saw was comparison, and sympathy. She smiled her gorgeous smile, telling me she was her for me, and to continue.

I sighed, tear in my eyes now, "But it didn't last long. We were deported into the war. But unfortunately...Jenny and I went on different trains. Jenny insisted I take the better of the two. She and I argued until she won. We kissed and said goodbye. Little did I know... it'd be our last goodbye. Our last I love you." The tears were now flowing down my face like waterfalls, tiny and always flowing.

"When my group arrived, people from Jenny's train were already fighting. I ran, I didn't fight. I ran and ran and ran. I had to find her. When I ran, I was blinded my smoke and fire, so I tripped. I tripped on a body, when I looked back it was the body of my dead girlfriend. Suddenly the war stopped for me. It didn't matter. I clung to her body until the light went black. Until I woke up in the hospital bed, my chest and arms wrapped....I lost it. Completely lost it." I chocked on a sob, my hands trembling.

"Oh Lapis..." Peridot grabbed me, holding me close. She mumbled sweet nothings into my ear until I calmed down.

"That's why I was so scared of my feelings for you." I told her, looking into her eyes. "I didn't want it to end like Jenny's and mine, or..." I swallowed hard, "like Jasper's and mine." I then explained the way she helped me, her promises. And I told her about the first time she hit me, and why.

"She was terrible..." Peridot mumbled, looking at her hands. She laughed coldly. "I can't believe I'm related to her!"

"Peridot. I'm terrible, too. That's another reason I didn't confess to you sooner. Jasper may have hurt me, but there is no doubt in my mind I hurt her too. I was cruel! I told her things.... tormented her...I was a monster too!" I said glaring at my feet.

"Lapis. Never say that. Not ever. You defended yourself. And I don't think your terrible, you are MY everything. Without you I could be dead. You keep me sane. You make me happy. Actually happy. Happier than I've felt in so many years." She told me, she gently pulled me back so we laid together. I felt safe. For once I felt safe. Safe with Peridot. Safe with my Peri.

(Time Skip)
(Peridot POV)

I looked at my phone, 7:56 a.m., I looked to my side. "Where's Lapis?" I looked around. Huh. She wasn't here, I assumed she left for class early.